So I'm feeling a bit down. But I still don't think I'm depressed. I'm functioning fine, making the most of the holidays with the kids, making plans, but I'm bored.
I've been obsessing about this blog, and the internet in general. I even (re)joined twitter for twit's sake. Actually, it's very exciting to have a Twitter conversation, so I may not give it up so soon this time. I keep wondering why I'm getting fewer comments yet more readers on my blog. Not interesting enough? Novelty worn off? Not leaving enough comments elsewhere myself? And I realise IT DOESN'T MATTER. I started this thing for me, to get me writing and thinking, and yes, also to interact with others. I wasn't going to write about feeling like this, because I wanted to be only smart and funny and sexy, but that is completely missing the point of why I have this blog in the first place.
I'm thinking of moving to some Christian fundamentalist country like the States, where I wouldn't be the only stay at home mum around. I will go back to work once I'm done with the small-kid-not-in-school business, but for now I'd like to exercise my choice not to. It's just bloody hard with NO places to go to meet other mothers like me, and ALL my friends in full time work. In fact, I don't know a single other mother who stays at home. The rare ones I have seen at the school gates seem to come straight out of some seventies show and they don't talk to me anyway, except about the kids at infinitum.
I can just about smell the neediness on me the last couple of days. I'm not stuck for things to do, people to see (outside of working hours), so it's presumably all in the mind. A mind full of "why doesn't anyone like me" and "why don't they all want to be my best friend in the world?" Which is very productive, and makes me the kind of person people flock to. Oh, yes. Fuck it. I make a good friend, you know. I'm friendly, can be funny, am mostly not hideous-looking. Well, I can be very funny when I'm not this fucking needy. And it's not doing any wonders for my frown-lines either.
You still there? Tell me what you are worried about. And do you want to be friends on Twitter?
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I rarely twitter, but would love to be friends. Maybe because I've never had a twitter conversation - I don't even know how to.
ReplyDeleteI'm not leaving many comments on any blogs these days...just as I'm not writing much - on my own blog, or in my head. But I feel compelled to comment here today. I'm not sure where my blog writing lethargy is coming from...but I'm not too worried about...hopefully my writing mojo will return soon. In the meantime, I'm plastering photos of my daughter all over the place, because she makes me smile. :-)
I can't believe you don't know any other stay at home moms. I would rip my hair out if it weren't for my fellow stay home mom friends. Seriously - all the women at kids drop off scream scary? Could you approach one of them and ask them to get coffee? What about the bookstore? Library? Sex shop? Kidding. But just trying to think of places I hang out! ha!
Good luck - and I really hope you find some moms soon. Oh, my twitter id is alilwelshrarebit - I think!
oh i know how you feel...the last month has been better but there was a long time feeling like the total reject kid at school (why does no one like meeee????), feeling resentful and isolated and braindead.
ReplyDeleteIve since met other mums...down in the local square, that helps, its a meeting point for mums and kids, having no parks in this old quaint town the kids run around down there while the mums stand around chatting...having twins helps because total strangers stop and talk (and poke them and ask silly questions)
its harder to make friends as you get older too...Im 36 and sometimes feel so socially inept compared to ten years ago when things seemed to come easier.
at this age people also tend to have already made their networks- old friends from school, cousins, family etc so they dont need to make new friends so much.
its also France, so people talk to you and chat in the street but there are v few people who invite you to their house for a coffee and a moan...I have like three people I can do that with...there's little sisterhood here, not much of that girlie sisterhood thing in anglosaxon countries so no one wants to go out to the pub and drink and moan and laugh about their lives, its hard sometimes.
I'm sure you're a lovely person! but sometimes it doesnt matter, just the wrong time, wrong place, until suddenly things "unblock" and you'll meet some great people. join a night class maybe? a gym? or do like me and just hang around in the square drinking coffee (approaching other mums and asking questions about their kids helps too..."oh what a gorgeous baby, how old is he? etc" people love to talk about themselves.
Aw sorry to hear you're feeling a bit down :-(
ReplyDeleteI will TOTALLY be your friend on twitter (@porridgebrain - send me a tweet so I know it's you). And I think your blog is fab, even though I never get round to commenting as much as I should. Have you seen my new site? And it's blogroll? Cause you're on it missy! And I have to REALLY like your blog to put you on there...
I'm the queen of needy so don't worry about that. I reckon it's something to do with having children, out they pop along with all your self-confidence.
I've found it hard to connect with other stay-at-home mums too. They ARE out there, it's just sometimes hard to tap into their network. The only way I have ever made friends is to really put myself out there, find out local clubs and groups and go and be friendly and initiate conversations (even though inside I was terrified). Sometimes it's not worked and I've come away feeling very small and rubbish, but other times it has and I've ended up making some lovely friends.
So go on - give it a go. They will love you.
It seems like we're in the same boat here. I try to make friends with my kids' schoolmates parents, but they either seem like you said, 'straight out of the 70's', dirty and ignorant or very very old.
ReplyDeleteI clean alot, read alot and look forward to the time I get to spend with Jeremiah after the kids go to bed. It's still as hard as hell.
No twittering from me. Unless I get really excited, like when I find an egg in the hen house. I twitter then. And flutter, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd guess what? When you get old like me, you don't want friends. Well, you do. But only like three really, really good ones.
Keep writing.
Of course I want to be friends on Twitter. @meandthevoices
ReplyDeleteIt totally sucks that you don't have any other stay at home moms around!! And yes come to the US and you'll have plenty of them to be friends with. :-)
I need more friends. Come move by me!
ReplyDeleteMaine could always use some more friendly people. Come on over!
ReplyDeleteTwitter blows, honestly.
ReplyDeleteMy next line was going to be 'this too shall pass' then I noticed it was the title.
It will.
Oh God, I hear you. This seems to be a plight of the SAHM. Well, certainly one I can relate to in any case. I am in America but most of the women I meet that I really want to hang out with are working. Many of the other SAHMs seem to have other things to do or other playdates. And there are only so many of those you can gatecrash without really appearing needy. It all just seems so much effort - whilst making friends at work always seemed so effortless, for me at least. Getting your finger out and planning, planning, planning is just such hard work when you are feeling bleugh.
ReplyDeleteI hope it passes too. And if you bump into a magical solution I assume you will keep us posted!
x
Ha! It seems to be a pity party for all this week! Now that I know you were lurking around my site (you commented finally! ;) ) I will be stalking you now! Prepare for the comments, young lass!
ReplyDeleteI've been reading for a bit and not commenting. I'll comment now!!! It sucks that you're the only SAHM where you are. Do they all think that they are better than you? Maybe they all won the lotto or killed off some family memeber and only work as they have a nanny full time?
ReplyDeleteNow let's be serious...(i'm really not like that:o) Being as on again/off again SAHM since I hate my job and hate what I do for a living and would much rather be at home anyway. I can completely understand how lonely it is without someone else to talk to . And I COMPLETELY understand the whole "not wanting to talk about the kids" thing...come off it already, we see them 24/7. There is more to life than them. I have lost my identity in all the glory of motherhood, but maybe somehow with friends and crass humor and who knows maybe a few drinks over the internet, we can somehow manage to get through the next 10 years without losing what is left of our sagging bodies and marbled minds.
Hang in there, you are not alone in this chaos.
isn't it funny how lack of comments gets you down when you feel lonely? Just remember, lots of people read and don't comment, and there's blogs out there that are not read at all (like my previous one, where I really didn't make much of an effort and the stats spoke for themselves). Real shame that there aren't any SAHM near you.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my twitter is @cartside - send me a direct tweet and I'll be your twitter friend.
"Mostly not hideous-looking" is my number one criteria for friends. :)
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of us feeling like this it seems. I keep reading posts with much the same sentiment attached. It makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteWe recently moved from Canada to New Zealand and I had to leave all my very good friends behind. All those people I had something in common with and loved dearly, and now I don't have them close anymore. And all the mums at the kids' school here treat me like I'm a leper that hasn't showered in 2 weeks or something. If they'd just pull their heads out of their asses long enough to see the good person standing in front of them, they'd have a kick ass friend on their side!
I'm on Twitter and you are always welcome to have a tweet at me if you want. Heck, email me and we can converse that way. I love friends!! http://twitter.com/madwomanmeg
Luvs!!
@Christy - Yay! New Twitter friend!
ReplyDeleteSeriously - in Belgium, anyone who can read goes back to work full time when their kid is three months old. I'm a major exception. I had my American friend, but she's gone back, so now it's just me and the people who can't read.
@screamish - I'm not giving up yet. The Flemish are just as aloof as the French, I think, but I'm making inroads, and we've only lived here four years now. :-)
@Josie - Yay! Another Twitter friend! I will keep trying. Not giving up. I have a new tactic: getting to know teachers. They have afternoons off occasionally, and better hours.
@erin - It suckerdeesucks.
@Ms. Moon - Also good twittering. I believe you on getting older. I liked my teens better than the years before, my twenties were even better, and now my thirties are my favourite. I see a trend.
ReplyDelete@Suzy Voices - Yay! Twitter friend! I would so move just now, you have no idea.
@Aunt Becky - And I would move to your street, too. We'd have a great time.
@Badass Geek - I'm blushing now. You are all too kind.
@Xbox - Yeah, but I still get excited about actual.human.contact on there, like of the live variety.
ReplyDelete@Nicola - I know! That's why I was seriously considering already getting a job this year. At work, I get to know people straightaway. It's something to do with being locked in the same building, I suppose.
@Cape Cod Gal - Pity party indeed. With some very lovely members. Welcome! And stalk away.
@Meghan - Welcome! And thank you. I do feel far less alone now I have discovered all these other deranged mothers online. :-)
ReplyDelete@cartside - Yay Twitter friend! Thanks. And I suppose I will eventually join the ranks of the working myself. So - this shall pass.
@Steph - I know! Same here.
@Mad Woman - Yay! Twitter friend! We should totally be internet friends.
Even though it's been four years since I last moved, I know all about it. And it's really hard. I've made big moves too often, and you have to start from scratch each time.
You can email me, too, by the way.
You are not moving anywhere young lady! You stay put and visit your sister in Gent more often. Big big kisses and see you marginal on sunday :)
ReplyDelete@An - Okay, but then you need to move closer! Like, yesterday! Marginal on Sunday it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm late commenting, but that's better than not at all, right?!
ReplyDeleteI'm a SAHM and was feeling quite lonely and isolated since we moved 300 miles away from friends, but I've found a lot of wonderful bloggy virtual friends and a few of them are on Twitter too. I know if I'm feeling down I will soon be cheered up by fellow twits. I'm @sandycalico. Look forward to 'talking' to you.