Things that have offended me today:
- An old woman's shell suit.
I swear it was this exact one. It offended me.
- The non-abilities of the proprietor of our local sandwich shop. He is profoundly commercially challenged. He has these drinks on display to take away, and different ones that he sells for the people who sit in. I asked if I could have one of the other ones, and he fucking refused. He's retarded. I'd have been quite happy to pay more than the take-away price.
Also? The guy sells lunch and breakfast but no coffee or tea to go. He's an idiot. He gets stroppy with people who ask for something different and he can't organise to save his life, so while the take-away people get served right away, the people who sit in regularly wait more than half an hour to even order their food. It's like he's wasting a perfectly good shop. This offends me. - The cleaning is going great, but there are a few (literally) sticky points:
- The inside of the fridge.
- The inside of the oven.
- The inside of the microwave.
- The extractor fan.
- The moldy bits at the bottom of the shower.
- The bit behind the toilet in the bathroom.
- The outside of the windows.
These things offend me. I will get on with them, but they offend me. - The nature of my cough. It's phlegmish, to use Belgian Waffle's most amusing spelling of my brand of Dutch. Phlegm offends me.
- The fact that my cleaning mojo is making my everything ache. I haven't been to the gym in ages. I don't need to. I've also not been cold in ages. Cleaning heals all ills apparently. I'm embarrassed about admitting all this, but hey I like to read about all your warts as well. (My warts cleaned up nicely a couple of years ago, and I haven't had a relapse, thank you.) (No, on my FEET! WTF?) I'm offended by your dirty mind.
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HaHA! I'm first! WOOO!
ReplyDeleteDid you wrestle that old lady out of her shell suit so you could take a picture??!
I like your catchphrase. I enjoyed (brief) notoriety on Twitter the other night with my 'things I hate' hashtag but we should start a new #ThatOffendsMe one... it's much better.
Thing that offend me include, running out of bread/jam/tea-bags, having a low-comment day on the blog, text speak, people naming their children stupid names that are just badly spelling perversions of real names... I could be here all day actually. I'll stop now.
P.S. Absolutely no help with the sticky situations. My whole house is sticky.
so many things offend me - but poor spelling ( not typos) is top of the list today
ReplyDeleteloose - lose - 2 different words, they mean different things
Made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteThings that offend me? Family that can't spell my name. Strangers, fair enough, buy family *thud thud thud*.
:)
That should say but not buy.
ReplyDeleteOther things that offend me? Being terminally knackered.
That is all.
My toddler just had a huge tantrum because I went to the toilet. That offends me.
ReplyDeleteI love it. I'm POSITIVE it will catch on. People love to gripe. Hell, they love to be offended. In fact, I blogged about something that offends me -- before I saw your tweet!
ReplyDeleteWhat offends me? People who don't nap their sleepy toddlers, similarly, don't feed them vegetables. Waste -- therefore, single-use just-about-anything. People who leave dirty dishes in the sink after I've done the dishes in the evening. My dog's farts. Whining.
I'm offended at the premise of getting offended. Because I like being a conundrum.
ReplyDelete@Josie - You are right. I did. I just saw that that floor looks just like my floor here. Very funny.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving the idea of the hashtag, but I'm finding it hard to get it started. I suppose, four so far is not too bad. (Only two of them mine. :-) )
@tattooed_mummy - I hate poor spelling! And the loose/lose thing is so easy! As are it's/its and your/you're. I'm always paranoid I'm spelling something wrong without knowing about it.
@Insomniac Mummy - Family should be whipped for not spelling your name right.
@Emily O - :-) You're getting in the swing of things. I like it.
@MaryP - Dog's farts are really offensive. It's funny how concepts spring up at the same time, eh? I'm always relieved when I find out afterwards if someone was blogging on a related topic. If I'd found out first, I'd have postponed the post. I have in the past.
@Badass Geek - Conundrums offend me.
The list of things that offend me is far longer than the list of things that don't. So I won't even begin, BUT I will type very, very slowly so as to remove all spelling errors and/or typos in this comment-so as not to offend.
ReplyDeleteVery funny post. I'm offended on lots of levels today. Mostly I am offended because a)the puppy crapped in the sitting room EVEN THOUGH THE BACK DOOR WAS OPEN and b)I'm offended because the waitress in the cafe at lunchtime didn't seem to understand a word I said and just looked at me blankly, even though I believe I spoke clearly when I said 'Croque Monsieur' and 'Cappucino'.
ReplyDelete@Kori - You are right to call me on that. I should rephrase. I am offended by poor spelling on official documents and in magazines etc. Not on blogs/in comments/etc. I am an English teacher and I KNOW that English spelling is retarded and almost impossible to get right. So please please dont feel like you cant mispel on this blog.
ReplyDelete@Liz - That puppy was indeed being offensive. I suppose you were asking for it with the waitress, though, ordering foreign dishes. Cup of tea and a scone not good enough for you? ;-)
ReplyDeleteMay and I are already saying, "That offends me." So yes, it's catching on here.
ReplyDeletePeople who come to my blog, even though they don't seem to like me, pick at what I say, jump to ridiculous conclusions based on a few words, and engage in childish arguments. If you don't like my blog, go and read someone else's. (Not you.)
ReplyDeleteActually it just irritates the hell out of me.
Maxine's cough offends me. She has this random wet cough with no other symptoms. And she refuses to spit out whatever she coughs up. So it's just rattling around in her neck/throat/chest area.
ReplyDeleteI'm also offended by the chill in my fingers. I've been working non stop all morning on a custom order and my fingers are like two fat little popsicles.
There are so many things that offend me. But not today. I'm high today. Not sure why. Maybe it's the fact that I'm off until next Tuesday. Hooray.
ReplyDeleteBTW...Stop by my site. I found the jumpsuit.
Oh this is brilliant! You should start a 'This offends me' meme. That shell suit is definitely highly offenive!
ReplyDeleteWhat do I find offensive? Being called by my surname not my first name, and even then it is spelt wrong (it isn't Scribble by the way!)
Also, being called 'love' by someone I do not know and certainly do not love!
I'm trying to remember if I say that, or if I say 'I find it offensive'. Both seem familiar. It is a GOOD catchphrase, full of scorn and just the right amount of nostril showing.
ReplyDeleteSO many things offend me, I can't begin to tell you.
Oh, I know. Having to press post comment, waiting for it to tell me it failed, in red, pressing it again so it can come up in a little word verification screen and then writing in the word and pressing Post Comment AGAIN. That offends me every time.
Huh. No WV this time? Ok, I'm a third less offended.
ReplyDeleteAll of those things offend me too. Argh. That wind suit and it's SWHISHHHHHHHY sounds.
ReplyDeleteThe bits of Shreddie and Rice Krispie that are permanently stuck to the kitchen floor. They offend me. And the American dentist who just told me I need orthodontic work, when no-one has EVER said it before, at the age of 36. That REALLY offends me.
ReplyDeleteFor our bathroom (ours is all tiled) I used a long-armed scrubbing brush, one that's meant for cleaning the dishes, and a little bit of bleach. Got rid of all the black between the tiles for us.
ReplyDeleteWhat offends me? Right now it is Bridezillas. Just today I saw a bunch of bridezillas tell another bridezilla they were perfectly entitled to get angry with her fiance because he chose the suit HE wanted to wear. Bridezillas told her that she should take him to the suit shop and pick the suit for him. Crikey.
That anyone would clean an extractor fan offends me. !! What is up with that!? ;) Girl, you need help!
ReplyDeleteAnd definitely the swoosh rustling sound those shell suits make when the person walks. I used to work in a very JAPpy part of Long Island and EVERYBODY wore those suits. Big hair, long nails, whiney high pitched voice, and swish swish swish... a cachaphonous hellhole.
Oh, and my own personal offence: not being able to locate the source of the rotting smell in the living room.
1)I'm offended by the fact that work interrupts my blogging.
ReplyDelete2)green nail polish.
3)people who presume I'm offended...whats that all about. NEVER presume anything.
People who say "I don't mean to offend..." Oh yes you fecking do!
ReplyDeleteum that suit offends ME!!
ReplyDelete@Ms. Moon - I probably caught it from you, then. Yay for that! I could have caught it from a skanky person.
ReplyDelete@Expat Mum - That Jill was funny. I don't think anyone took her seriously. Except she herself, of course.
@erin - I hate it when kids are sick and they sound horrible. And cold hands are icky.
@Erin - Yay for being high!!! I love that.
@rosiescribble - Why would anyone call you by your surname? That's surreal.
@Jo - My dearest dearest dearest Jo, I DON'T HAVE WV! It's someone else!
@allthistrouble - Luckily I wasn't close enough for the sounds.
@nappy valley girl - Cereal on the floor is a major issue in my life as well. And I would have needed orthodontic work in the States, I'm guessing - my dentist just said it gives me character. Ha! I hope you won't take any notice.
@Fatbrideslim - Bleach. Yes. Good idea. Bridezillas are ridiculous. I never even thought about my hair or anything beforehand. I asked my husband to wear a kilt, but let him pick it out. And he was happy to wear one.
@geeksinrome - Well, I need to take the panels out and put them in the dishwasher, and then clean the big chrome thing on top because it's dusty, and I can see it from the table. But feel free to be offended. :-)
And I have a rotting smell somewhere in the kitchen that I can't locate as well! It's horrible and we have guests on Saturday. Must find it. Perhaps we should have a race.
@Countess - 1) I get that, 3) that is SO annoying! I hate people who think they can read my mind.
@MrsW - They totally do!
@Maggie May - It is particularly vile.
Oh, the thing is that I am a great speller-I just can't type worth shit. And then I think a LOT faster than I can type and therefore have lots of typos. But they are always the same typos, so that should count for something slightly less offensive, no?
ReplyDeleteThe fact that I can't get a job using my qualifications in this town unless I know someone who knows someone who knows someone else's brother's girlfriend's sister. That offends me.
ReplyDeleteOh. And your microwave? Put a bowl of water in it, with some lemon squeezed into it and turn the microwave on for about 5 minutes. The steam from the water will soften everything up and make it easy to wipe out, and the lemon will make it smell purty.
The fact that my ex can't force himself to be in my company for an hour tomorrow to eat a Thanksgiving dinner that I am preparing for HIS mother and her husband (and of course our 2 boys). I was upset about it. Now I am purely offended. Wanker.
ReplyDeleteI am offended - I have that exact shell suit. How could you criticize its beauty?
ReplyDeleteAs for the cleaning - my tactic is to avoid all of them. It's worked for me so far. *shrugs*
Offence is something you can choose to take or not!
ReplyDeleteI love this. It doesn't offend me.
ReplyDeleteI will quite happily join in & hashtag away. If you start it, they will follow.
PS White van drivers who findit acceptable to park in the middle of the road so I can't get to my mother in laws to drop off the baby? That offends me.
- my children before 7am offend me
ReplyDelete- my husbands inability to put any washing in the laundry basket offends me (and thinking that putting it beside the laundry basket is sufficient REALLY offends me)
Like this idea. I can get into this concept very easily! x
the fact that I had to scroll down a zillion times to leave this comment offends me...
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! just kidding. this post and these comments have me rolling +o)
Thanks for the giggle.
ReplyDeleteIt is catching on. I just saw it in your hotdog and spinach post. I'm going to try it tomorrow.
Thanks!
lol, I less than three this post (you know <3, which always looks like a sideways ice cream cone).
ReplyDeleteLove the catchphrase!
ReplyDelete