A beautiful wedding

Erika at Be Gay About It has started a new project, BGAI Together, in which she asks for positive stories about LGBT people to counteract discrimination and abuse. I love reading her blog (it's fabulous), but I didn't feel this call was meant for me. I changed my mind last night, when the lovely Bethany blogged about the election of that stinky Republican in Massachusetts and feeling so shaken by the happy reactions around her. It made me realise that it really is my business and your business and all of our business to write about marriage equality and to stand up against discrimination and general unfairness and bigotry.

I have been hugely overestimating some of the people in this world. Living in my little cocoon, I thought we were getting somewhere, and boy am I wrong. I should have known better, really, living in "liberal" Belgium and hearing all the ignorant and offensive things some people here still dare to say, even in the face of their gay friends. (I realise I'm probably preaching to the converted in my little corner of the internet.)

Because we've had marriage equality in Belgium since 2003 and this seems to be a hot topic in many places just now, I thought I would share the story of a gay wedding I attended a couple of years ago. It was the wedding of two lovely, lovely friends of mine.

Here's the thing, people: while it was beautiful and gorgeous and very very moving, it really was a perfectly ordinary wedding. There were concerns about the weather (with several untimely downpours). The ceremony was achingly beautiful. One of the grooms cried, the other tried to keep a stiff upper lip but barely managed. There was some family tension. The reception was a garden affair (luckily they got a tent). People drank champagne. There were lovely things to eat. Everyone dressed up and had a great time. A perfectly ordinary (and beautiful) wedding.

Did God smite us all in anger for being there? No. Does my own (straight) marriage feel any less valuable as a result? No. Quite to the contrary, I would say, because now I no longer feel that by being married we are taking part in a practice that discriminates against other people. I would say the institution of marriage in this country has become more valuable for being more inclusive.

My son Jack has been to two weddings (that he remembers) in his life. One between a man and a woman, and one between two men. I'm so glad that he can be shown rather than told that love is love and who cares about the particulars. And to start with, I thought that his generation would grow up seeing the world fundamentally differently. I have now given up that idea for the time being. He may have been to a gay wedding, and I may be trying to teach him the "right things," but he's all too aware of society's stereotypes of what boys and girls "should" do. And he knows that a gay wedding does not fit this preset mold.

But at least we have marriage equality. Babysteps are better than no steps at all, right?