Straight porn and the fulfillment of all my hopes and dreams, the two topics being entirely unrelated

The holidays are over and here I am again. I hope I find you all well. I have been reading all your lovely messages as well as secretly visiting your blogs in the dead of night. The break has done me good.Well, I say it has but I'm not sure really. The pressure of having to be interesting on a daily basis had been getting to me rather a lot, but then when it was no longer there I got rather apathetic and even more morose than usual, so yes I missed you all, and this writing lark seems to have got under my skin. My stinky mood may also have been caused by all the enforced Christmas cheer, the travelling, the endless parties and the fucking jingle bells, of course. We'll just never know, will we, because for better or worse I am back.

Right. So today I thought I would share the two most memorable events of the holidays with you and get that over and done with:

1. I had a dream about Mark Foster, the British olympic swimmer. This was two weeks ago, but I figure it was noteworthy enough to share it just now. And besides, it gives me an excuse to stare at length at this picture:
   
   
   
   
   
   Oh yeah. Sigh.
   In my dream, Mark was wearing (tight) clothes, but I'm guessing it is obvious to you why I chose the picture with fewer clothes.
   Mark was strolling around the exam hall I was in, sitting an exam on what I can only assume was molecular or some other random kind of biology. Whatever it was, I knew nothing about the subject. I sat staring at this paper, reading through it, not answering anything.
   Mark came over and encouraged me to stick with it - the answers would come to me. Gradually it dawned on him that I in fact was not having some kind of blackout or crisis of confidence but that I genuinely did not know any of the answers, and never would. At which point he turned away disappointed and disgusted with me.
2. My dad got the new iPhone. Which prompted him to give me his old one!!! Which means all my dreams have been fulfilled and I have nothing more to aim for.
   

The end.