Normally, Belgian Christmas tree management is a very straightforward affair. You go out sometime in the middle of December, pick a tree and lug it home. You decorate it, hoover needles for a few weeks until it turns brown, then put the tree on the pavement to get collected by a special council truck. The truck then takes your tree to the special Christmas tree graveyard where it will be allowed to rest for eternity.
No more. These days, all the trees are potted and have roots. They bloody refuse to die. All around the neighbourhood, there are gloriously green trees lying on the pavement awaiting collection, not a loose needle in sight. It all looks and feels wrong. And Babes is a big girl's blouse. As am I. He won't put the tree out, and I won't force him too. (No way I would carry the thing out myself.) Just look at the wretched thing, looking all healthy and alive:
"Die, motherfucker, die!"
I have absolutely no desire to have such a tree in my garden. I don't think Babes particularly wants it either, but neither of us can bear the thought of sending a perfectly healthy tree to be burned with its dead cousins. So we are stuck with a spare Christmas tree for the time being, completely ruining the feng shui ambience of our garden. (Maybe not.)
Of course I know what is going to happen: because it is in a pot and the weather is cold, its roots will freeze. Then the tree will die. By which time the council truck will have stopped touring the town, and we will be stuck with a brown, dead tree behind the garden shed. Just because we are sentimental and have completely antropomorphised this stupid tree.
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And I thought me and stuffed animals was bad ;)
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you nurture it? Come next year you won't have to go looking for one... not far anyway... you might have to bonsai it a bit to make sure it still fits through the door though.
Could you donate it to a park or school or something?
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad. I've always had an awful time with Christmas trees. And so did the same thing one year and my boyfriend planted it in the backyard after and it didn't really fit in, but it made me happy.
ReplyDeleteThat just breaks my heart that all those trees with root balls are sitting there alive and happy and ready for planting on the corners waiting for the trash. It seems a waste. I mean, something went wrong in the whole process, right? Isn't the point of them having the roots so people will recycle and plant them after? Maybe a tree farm needs to pick them up after and plant them all.
It's not making sense to me.
No wonder you're pissed off.
Maybe just dig a hole and plant it, surprise yourself?
i think it looks magestic right there and the birds and little forest animals will like it, guilt guilt ;-)
ReplyDeleteplus, you can decorate it next year!
This is why I have a fake tree.
ReplyDeletewell..dont give the fucker a name..that will make it harder....er..did i already screamed murder???
ReplyDeleteanyway...mini-santiago had have his own tree this year , also with pot and all...now he waits to get plantet in the woods...
You called a christmas tree "motherfucker".....should we be worried about the karma or something? Lol!
ReplyDeleteLeave it in its pot 'til next year. And it is not the cold you need to worry about with Evergreens, its the Summer. For the one thing you cannot do is let it dry out for very long. But you could get over this problem easily as you can buy small watering systems at any garden shop. As to the issue with the pot, Bonzai trees survive well enough.
ReplyDeleteBut are you sure that the binmen do not bring them to a farm someplace and allow them to grow.
Bye Vince
Ha ha! My tree is not potted but I am still waiting for the damn thing to die as it sits all forlorn outside of my front door. I am not sure what the hell I am going to do with it. I have missed the annual 'tree collection' dates. Maybe i will just leave it there till next year...might save a few bob on potted plants out the front in the summer...
ReplyDeleteYou can't just leave it to die a slow, painful death. That's even worse!
ReplyDeleteThrow it out!
awww... just plant the motherfucking tree! :)
ReplyDeleteThat's why I don't buy real Christmas trees. Just sneak it to a park somewhere and plant it. then if it lives, you will feel good, and if not, at least you tried.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea from Megan. Wouldn't it be nice if all the neighbours found a small plot of land and planted their no-longer-wanted trees together. You'd have a nice Christmas tree forest to enjoy. I find it so sad to take out the tree and the living room is a sadder place without it.
ReplyDeleteI love living in the UK. No roots. Or even better: plastic trees (bleurgh). All aboard the landfill-train, yayyyyy!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we don't get a tree!
ReplyDeleteIsn't there somewhere you can take it to to dispose of it?
Sorry but your post made me laugh out loud. That poor tree!
ReplyDeleteI think you better give in and keep it or you'll have avery pissed off dryad haunting your garden.
ReplyDeleteIf you're lucky enough you can use it again next year!
ReplyDeletekeep it!!! no, find a miserable bit of shitty ground somewhere and plant it...
ReplyDeletei hate the week after christmas, all the trees on the pavements, its horrible. half thinking of getting a fake one to stop the tree slaughter madness.
mind you I'm still eating bacon, so i should check my compassion priorities I think
Ahh poor tree. I think you should hang decorations on it for the duration of its life to make it happy.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I was thinking (while writing the post) about the environmental impact of all the wasted trees, and I decided it couldn't be that bad over all. They're grown locally and sustainably. At least these plots have trees on them all the time. Plastic trees are worse for the environment (I've read even over twenty years). I suppose we could just not have a tree, but I'm not sure the rest of the family would agree. I think we're leaving this one in the garden until next year. So at least one is saved.
ReplyDeleteYes there are a tonne of Ukranians in Alberta I live in what is fondly called the Ukranian triangle. I'll send you some very ukranian links to show you how wierd we really are :P
ReplyDeleteI have never had a live tree, I have no patience for it and would probably kill it before it was ever decorated. I grew up with fake ones and only my sister has a live one at Christmas. Around here when you are done with your tree you plunk it on the curb, the truck picks it up and hauls it to the eco yard where they chip it up and use it as mulch under the trees during the year to help with moisture and such nonsense.
IfI were to have such a problem as yours I would take said dead tree (once dead) and throw it conveniently out of a fast moving vehicle into a forest of some sort...not that I've done that ever :p Other than that I have absolutly no ideas short of chopping it up and depositing it in your trash slowly over the course of the summer months. (I've done that too with rocks :p)
Yes, thank you Meghan - and the chippings. Another reason not to feel too bad about the dead trees.
ReplyDelete