I promised this post weeks ago, but there was some negotiation involved with Babes concerning what I could and could not divulge. (As usual the bastard was spot-on on all counts, but let's ignore that fact.)
So, of our three conceptions that went beyond 8 weeks (we're keeping everything crossed this one will go all the way - Babes is getting quite sore ☺),
- 100% were planned and very much desired
- 100% happened after the point at which I went "Fuck it, this is never going to work - I give up."
- 100% happened after the ingestion of some alcohol.
- 100% had me completely clueless as to when I would be ovulating.
- 66.7% happened on a romantic anniversary-related trip away
- 33.3% happened while recovering from surgery for an ectopic pregnancy
- 0% happened after sex-with-the-specific-intention-to-make-a-baby.
Just watch out if you choose to apply any of these pointers for yourself. You may find yourself, four months later, eating several sticks of salami in a supermarket car park as if your life depends on it. (No, I did not see that one coming either.)
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looks like baby has an appetite for good salty things...mmmm....
ReplyDeleteOf my four, three of them were conceived while trying NOT to have a baby. So, you know, I am *almost* as equally useful as you are!
ReplyDeleteThough, salami? Eeew.
Funny post. I agree with you on this. It took me 3 years to get successfully pregnant with number 1 and that was only after I thought 'sod it, it will never happen'. The other two happened while I wasn't thinking about getting pregnant. I think alchohol was consumed on all 3 occasions and one was conceived on our wedding anniversary. Definitely mind over ovaries (does that make any sense?).
ReplyDeleteMy first was conceived at an inopportune time in my life because the telly was broken. I'm not proud...
ReplyDeleteThe second was planned and charted and timed to be a boy. And it worked!
If I were trying unsuccessfully to have a child, I think this post would make me feel better, for a while. Nice one.
ReplyDeletePS when I read this first, I read the title as 'contraception, a how to'. Just shows you where I'm at.
ReplyDeleteI've just noticed a totally irrelevant fact, which is that SALAMI is I'm alas backwards.
ReplyDelete@screamish - It took me by surprise, though. Not something I've done before.
ReplyDelete@Kori - You should write your own how-to! :-)
@Emily O - First one only took six months. I think we got lucky because we went on a long holiday. (Two whole weeks!) Next one took two years, though. Your three years must have seemed awfully long. You know, being the first one and all. At least I had proof I could do it.
And yes, that did make sense.
@Jo - Did you hear that statistic that says handing out condoms never brings down birthrates, but providing cheap TVs does? I believe it...
Timed to be a boy??? How do you do that?
I love Freudian misreadings. Most of mine are quite pervy.
@Pueblo girl - Really? I thought it would be really frustrating, because the one thing I thought would be impossible, was to relax and stop thinking about it.
@Iota - Very good irrelevant fact. For which I thank you. :-)
ReplyDeleteSeconded.
ReplyDelete:) Completely agree. Giving up is the first step in the right direction.
ReplyDeleteSalami...poor you! My first triggered an unhealthy doughnut feeding frenzy and the second, ice-cream. Needless to say I put on 4 stone with each...
ReplyDeleteI think this is all very valuable information as it is almost exactly how all my kids got here.
ReplyDeleteWith my son, I remember clearly the day I conceived. With my daughter not so much. I guess I had given up by that point and wasn't keeping track.
ReplyDeleteI'm the one who wasn't supposed to have kids ( or so I was told 6 weeks before our wedding), so when the stick went pink the first 3 times I sat down very fast and was shocked. The one I lost was a heart break and I was therefore thouroughly shocked when 2/3 months later the darn stick turned pink again.
ReplyDeleteI have no clue when any of them were conceived, alcohol was a definite additive in all of them, and I am still trying to lose the weight I gained with them all :o
great so now i can stop thinking about Obama in bed...thanks for that!
ReplyDelete@cartside - Motion passed. (Dammit - the one time I don't write about poo and I have to go and spoil it like this.)
ReplyDelete@Metropolitan Mum - It seems to be with us. It stops me freaking out quite as much.
@muummmmeeeeee - My first it was eclairs, the second pink yoghurts. I'm surprised this one seems to be going more salty. (I'm conveniently disregarding the Snickers just now.)
@Ms. Moon - I know, but wouldn't it be frustrating if you're trying. Who can "stop trying?" That's just impossible.
@Angie Muresan - I always like to put a date on it. Makes for good memories. :-) When I'm not sure, I just pick the best night in the vicinity. Surely it would have happened that time.
@Meghan - That must have been a devastating thing to be told. I sometimes wonder about doctors, and all the things they dare to claim. I was shocked as well when I lost my ectopic pregnancy and had surgery, then two months later the next one was along. That was very surprising, but perfect timing really. Saved me a lot of heartache, I think.
@Heather - Mmmm. Obama, in bed. Mmmmm.
We tried for months with our first, and finally, when I said to hell with it, thinking it wasn't going to happen, it did. Being laid back is obviously the way to go!
ReplyDeleteObama on my mind. Damn it.
ReplyDeleteWhen Lady Mama says "Being laid back is obviously the way to go", does she mean being laid back, or being laid back?
ReplyDeleteThe Obama thing. That was plain vicious. You deserve to be eating salami in a car park.
ReplyDeleteAside from that, we were extraordinarily lucky with our conceptions. Or unlucky - I was kind of hoping on each occasion to spend at least a few months trying.
@Lady Mama & Iota - :-) :-) :-)
ReplyDelete@Erin - That is my usual state.
@dadwhowrites - :-P on the Obama thing. That kind of thing amuses me probably more than it should. Babes also didn't appreciate that too much.
About the conception - you're right. At least we did get 3 1/2 years of sex in return. Thanks for showing the positive side!
Sorry I would reply but I'm thinking of Obama ... !
ReplyDeleteFor us, we were so busy that it took a bit of planning to ensure a shag at the right time ... fingers crossed !
My first happened on the first try, but the second took a little while and also I think it happened after I finally was like, whatever, maybe it's never going to happen. Funny how that reverse psychology works even with conception, huh?
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh i love this! im totally on track with you. alcohol? yes! planned? yes! ovulating? who knows.....
ReplyDeleteps i am so so so glad you mentioned bedding obama because im pretty sure he'd be awesome but haven't been able to share that thought with anyone yet cause feels kinda sacreligious or something so i am glad you gave me the opportunity to say it here.