Raising kids bilingually

I know a lot of you out there are in the same situation as us, trying to raise your children in two (or more) languages at the same time. I like reading about how you all get on with this, so I thought I would share my own experience and insights. Most of this may seem common sense/received knowledge, but never underestimate the power of repetition, right? Being a linguist, I have done a lot of research on the topic which might be helpful to others in the same situation, especially if they are not linguists themselves.

Our two languages are English and Dutch. Babes is Scottish, I am Flemish. We are living in Belgium and I'm at home while Babes goes out to work, so the children's first language is Dutch. Their English is a close second. So far - and I hope I'm not jinxing it by writing this - we've not had too many problems with either language. Jack is five, Marie is two, and both speak very well for their age, in both languages. Learning two languages at the same time seems not to have slowed them down in their language development at all.

I will admit that we are in just about the perfect situation for teaching the children this particular combination of languages. We are living in Flanders, where the children are continually exposed to both languages. Dutch (really Flemish, the local version of Dutch) is the local language. English is everywhere in the popular culture over here. Most of the songs on the radio are in English. On TV, there are lots of English spoken programmes which are subtitled rather than dubbed. Babes and I also speak English to each other exclusively, so at the dinner table or at weekends the children hear mainly their "second language." In addition to this, I am trained as an English teacher and I studied Dutch linguistics at university, which helps me to pick up problems quickly before they get out of hand.

The main thing the experts tell you when you look for advice on raising children bilingually, is that you must each pick one language to speak to the children and stick to it religiously, 100% of the time. At the same time, you must force the children to speak to each parent in the correct language. We have found this to be ridiculously, painfully, stupendously, true. A few years back, we were not as vigilant for only one week. Babes allowed Jack (who was two then) to occasionally use Dutch to him. By then end of the week, he no longer spoke any English. It took another couple of weeks to get back to his previous level of English.

The way to achieve this 100% consistency is not difficult at all: we both simply pretend not to understand the language when we are speaking to the children. A well-placed "Excuse me? I don't understand" works very well. (Also very successful: refusing to give food or drink until they ask for it properly in the right language. ☺ ) If they genuinely don't know a word in the other language, we will of course translate it for them, but you would be surprised how rarely that is needed. Around the age of two, when some sentences seem to come out "mixed," we will make them repeat the whole sentence in the correct language. Again, this is hardly ever necessary. If a child is particularly stubborn and refuses to speak English (this has happened before), they will magically find themselves spending the whole day exclusively with daddy. This always does the trick.

It takes a little getting used to this strict separation of languages when your first child is born (or when you make the transition if you start this regimen later on), but after only a few weeks it will feel very natural. It's worth sticking to this plan, because if you don't, the likelihood is that the "non-local" or least spoken language will lose out very quickly. Birth seems to be the best time to start, giving all parties some time to get used to it, as well as preventing bad habits from forming.

Because our children don't get to hear too much English during the day, we have some very strict rules at night: bedtime is daddy's time only. (Having stayed at home with them all day, I will admit to happily giving up this "privilege.") That means bedtime is conducted all in English, with the inclusion of nursery rhymes and being read English books. The children probably have more English books than Dutch books.

We have another way to introduce more English into the children's lives: if and when they get to watch TV, it's (nearly) always in English. We have cable and made sure to get the optional CBeebies, and CBBC for when they are older. We also have some of the BBC's natural history series and some old musicals on DVD: perfect to fill up rainy days.

Once they reach an appropriate age (around age two), there are two exceptions I will make to the 100% consistency rule. I will only start this once they are clear on the difference between the languages. Right from when they first learn to speak, we do the "daddy says X, mama says Y" dance to practice translation, but as soon as they start using the words "English" and "Dutch" and are very clear on the difference, I consider them ready.

The first exception is that I will speak English to them when visiting the in-laws. It's a politeness thing, really. Before that, sentences are simple enough and obvious in the context so even English speakers will know what I'm on about, but from this age it starts being a little rude to chatter away in front of them in another language. Babes never has to worry about this rule, as I hardly know anyone in Flanders who doesn't understand enough English to follow most English conversations.

The second exception is "daddy play." Magically, around the age of two, this seems to become one of the most entertaining games around. Either the child becomes daddy or I do - the other party gets to be a child - and the rest of the game happens in English. I love this. LOVE it. L-o-v-e it. While I try my very bestest never to interfere with their English, this gives the control freak English teacher inside me the chance to model the turns of phrase they have had trouble with in the recent past. I store up all my niggling irritations, and then casually slip in the correct idiom while we're playing. I don't correct, don't tell them they're wrong - I just happen to use the phrases correctly. And that's all children need, lovely little language learning machines that they are.

I firmly believe that this last point is crucial in any language learning, first or second language: there's hardly any need to correct your child. Ever. (Pet peeve alert!) Have you ever known a "normal" eighteen year old who couldn't correctly use the past tense of the verb "to know?" No. Therefore, if your child says "I knowed that," there is absolutely no reason to correct them. Repeat the sentence correctly if you can't stop yourself, but do not spend your time correcting children's speech. Confidence is a million times more important for language learning than knowing a "correct" word. It's far more important that a child can speak without feeling insecure or inhibited than it is to get all the grammar perfect right from the start.

(I have a trick to keep my aforementioned inner language control freak under control: I allow myself one language problem per child to "fix" at any one time. If I must, I can correct it or repeat the sentence correctly, but until it is fixed I have to leave all other mistakes well alone. This means I hardly ever correct them, keeping them as confident as they can be. So far, both children love to experiment with language and like chattering on (endlessly) about any topic, so this seems to be working.)

I think that just about covers it. I'd be happy to hear any additional tips you may have, or if you disagree with anything I've said. I like a good discussion, so let yourselves go, darlings.