Sitting in the playcafe, I see a woman come in with her friend. She's never been, and asks me for some general information. She's happy with her new discovery, determined to come back. She seems lovely. She has a friend with two small children, so she's obviously not allergic to mothers. Then she mentions, casually, that she has three sons (7,4,2-ish). She WILL be my new best friend. It has been decreed.
The conditions are perfect: I have on my pretty black witches dress with the black bows. Lovely black boots. My hair is wild, yet newly washed so not objectionable. I'm reading a thinking woman's newspaper, but the slightly more lefty one rather than the deathly dull one. I have also managed not to spill any of my lunch onto myself. Neither have the children. Marie did sneeze on me violently, but I think I got all the snot with a tissue before it set. I cannot fail!
But - she has her friend there, so I'm hesitant to hijack the conversation. Also, we nearly have to go. I try anyway. When friend goes to pee, I marvel at her baby and ask my new best friend about the baby's age. (Boring, I know, but at least I'm trying.) The conversation is awkward. I sense she's not entirely averse to my overtures, though, so I try once more when Marie goes to admire the baby. Then friend comes back, so I am forced to retreat.
I sit at my table, plotting to make her fall for me. Tying her up so she can't get away while I list my endearing qualities is probably not the way to go. I'm short on cash, so bribery is not an option. Coming straight out and saying "We should be friends" is just so damned un-Flemish. (I have tried this too often. Successes so far: 1. On an American.) So aloofness and feigned indifference it is.
We have to go now. I make one more mad dash for it, desperately telling her "I might see you around then." Way to go, Mwa. That will haul her in.
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I do this too! I think we women fall in love with each other as surely as we do with men. Perhaps even more so.
ReplyDeleteThere is a woman I know whom I keep waiting for her to realize that I am her best friend in the world!
So far, no.
Sigh.
I have guy friends coming out the wazzoo but women (outside of the blogworld) never seem to like me. Hey! I need friends! Hang out with me.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, you're over there across the ocean somewhere. I guess playdates are out of the question without $2500 worth of plane tickets.
I would totally fall for your "we should be friends" line. The chicks who don't are asshats.
ReplyDeleteThis really made me smile (with recognition)! I have a few good friends through this method (I'm American they are varying nationalities, even English). This will sound REALLY stalkerish, but I try to find their 'needs' and cater to those.
ReplyDeleteFor example: Do they need a good place to bring kids? Then I recommend *this* place!
'It's great--especially about 10 am (or whenever). When do you have the kids?'
'I collect them about 4.'
'Yes, so do I, but on Tuesdays I also have them at 10. If you're interested, I will be here most days about 4/4.30. We can have a coffee while the kids play.'
Then if she doesn't take that bait to make plans for an actual day, I usually turn up most days about then for a week or so, and if nothing has happened yet, I just leave it. If I am going to be doing ALL the work, it won't be a great friendship anyway.
I'm looking forward to hearing how this goes, Mwa!
Be straight up and say 'do you want to come over to my house for coffee and next week". Bet she says yes.
ReplyDeleteAw, I totally agree with Ms Moon about falling in love with other women. That's what makes this so poignant. Good luck with the campaign.
ReplyDelete@Ms. Moon - I feel your pain.
ReplyDelete@erin - I would so love to have playdates with you!
@Suzy Voices - I know! Flemish people are so distant, it's just ridiculous.
@Michelloui - Thank you! I don't care if it's stalkerish - that's what I'm doing next time. I must practise this on my sister first...
@Victoria - Really? A Belgian? I would be scared to do that. Oh, and I'd have to tidy the house. Have you really done that? On first meeting someone? (I am full of admiration.)
@Jo - I do fall for other women. It's just that I'm always too shy to make them good friends. I must, will, shall try better.
You are so much braver than I, though the feelings are the same; I just look longingly and feel like I just can't take the first step, and then I think bitter thoughts about how if she knew how good we could be together she would be running over and jumping on my lap and begging ME to be her friend, and then I harbor resentment toward her existing friend and tell myself her dress is ugly and her nose is slightly too big...and then I kick myself and leave, because really, why would anyone want to be friends with someone this ugly inside? Sigh....and then, the chance to even SAY anything is long gone, because I will be so disgusted with my needy, ridiculous self that I will be too emabrrassed to even look at her the next time.
ReplyDeleteSupermum recounts similar experiences to me, of people she meets, hits it off with and never sees again because she is too afraid of being rejected to ask for a number or whatever.
ReplyDeleteDo men do this?
@Kori - You did a perfect description of what I normally do. It's just that this one started to talk to me! I did resent her friend, who looked very bad next to me, so she really should have ditched her. Perfect description - really.
ReplyDelete@dadwhowrites - I don't know. You tell me. Do they do this?
I totally get you.
ReplyDeleteYou never know, you might get a second chance. If she talked to you first, there was attraction there.
It can be so hard to make new friends! You feel so desperate begging "Plleeaassee be my friend..."
ReplyDeleteHa! We need a "how to make friends" book for housewives and mothers of young children. Tips on "how to hide the fact you havent washed your hair for a week" or "top ten conversation starters"....its hard , hey....
ReplyDeletebut you can't force it I suppose. It's pretty much like being desperately single and telling yourself "oh when the times right Ill meet that special person"
You could try the really subtle approach and wear one of those sandwich boards, with "I am desperate, I need you to be my friend" written on it.
ReplyDeleteSee, I just blather on at people, anytime, anywhere, and every now and then it sticks. Often I porbably scare people. I don't think I know how to help you.
ReplyDeleteYou could just tell her that you made a bet with your hubby that you make friends with a really awesome woman within 24 hours and then keep that friend for 30 days..and could she help you win that bet. By the end of the 30 days, she'd be so hooked on you she couldn't possibly leave!
ReplyDelete@Angie Muresan - I live in hope. I just need to get cleverer and bolder I think.
ReplyDelete@Megan - Yes, indeed.
@screamish - Good way to put it. It has happened before, so I suppose I should just keep faith.
@Iota - Ah, yes, the subtle approach. Because that would not attract weirdos.
@GingerB - Mmm. That's one approach.
@Mad Woman - Excellent! Because a lie is a solid foundation for a good friendship.
Bloody women, they just never learn do they? I mean, you two could be happily sipping wine and putting the world to rights by now - doesn't she know that!!
ReplyDeleteBetter luck next time when you 'see her around'!! ;0)
I am a Brit living also in belgium, I found your blog from a comment on Ellie's blog. I live near Diest and my son goes to a Flemish school also.
ReplyDeletehello!
@Eternally Distracted - Thanks!
ReplyDelete@farawayme - Welcome! And hello to you! Now I want to know all about you...
hey thanks for your nice comment my last ranting post...its really kind. yes i would love to drink red wine and dissect that damn email. its the sort of thing you need good girl company for. I shouldnt be surprised really tho, young men generally tend to have their heads up their own bums. oh well.
ReplyDeleteShe was probably desperately wondering how she could ditch her substandard companion and take up with you without seeming horribly needy and mercenary...
ReplyDelete@screamish - Well, I meant it. As for the guy, I think I know the type.
ReplyDelete@Pueblo girl - :-) Lovely thought.
oh! I so do this. And moving to a totally new town I'm going to be buying one of Iota's sandwich boards.... But I do think the "we should be friends" thing has a lot going for it if you can get over the shame. I still look out every time I go to the park for a girl I met there once.... If we weren't moving I'd be putting one of those "once seen" ads in the paper...
ReplyDeleteI think when I move to Berlin I might make a t-shirt with Iota's words "I'm desperate, I need you to be my friend". Maybe, just maybe it would start a conversation with some new best friends. At least somewhere down the line if they laugh at how we met and my desperation, I'll be able to say "Well you were the one staring at my boobs, weirdo!". Good luck with your quest!
ReplyDeletei love this.
ReplyDeleteso perfectly told and right on.
of course she loves you already.
making friends is hard though.
you couldn't realy win with the other friend there.