- Drink Dutch 0.0% alcohol beer.
- Fart repeatedly without running to the toilet. (Only around the family, poor things.)
- Burp all night without removing myself from the room. (Again, poor family.)
- Claim I "can't possibly, in my condition" clean up cat vomit/move a piano/call the bank.
- Blatantly stick out and rub my belly when asking nearby males to carry heavy things.
- Wear a poncho. A green one.
Yes, I'm ashamed. No, I won't stop.