I'm not that easily shocked. Really. But there was this thing that shocked me this week. And I want to write about it, because it's, well, it seems to be out there and it's now on my mind, but at the same time I don't want to scare all you readers off. Some I know won't be scared off by this - a particular hippy and my vagina lady, for example (you know who you are), but then others might be.
This blogging world is fickle, as I found out just this week. I acquired my 100th Google follower. I was ecstatic! By the time I wrote a post welcoming this extra special reader, I was back down to 99 and had to delete it. (Shit - just checked - I'm down to 98. Well fuck it then, I can write whatever I want now.) (They were probably both people who don't like swearing. Well, I suppose they were right to leave me then. Fuckfaces.)
Right. Another thing they'll be happy not to read is what I'm about to discuss now. Also, anyone who's eating or squeamish or simply not a perve, please do turn to the next blog you were going to read. I will be back tomorrow, minus filth. (Actually, there might be talk of child birth, in case you're squeamish about that.)
I was reading a Flemish ladies magazine (I swear it wasn't porn or anything), and the topic was gay poop sex parties. Now obviously I knew this existed, but the article had me going from one surprise to another. I just thought they did their business on each other or something. Oh no. That's not dirty enough. The worst bits? Feeding someone crap. Honestly, I could not have thought that one up. I just can't imagine being turned on by that. Also? Pooing in someone's mouth. That just seems wrong. And you couldn't do this with anyone with safe toilet syndrome, let me tell you. Finally - this is embarrassing - I actually was most revulsed at the thought that some men will come to this kind of party very dirty and in smelly clothes. Isn't that funny? That's what shocked me most. Maybe because that's the part I can actually imagine. The rest just makes my imagination (mercifully) dysfunction.
This post of mine is more than a list of strange practices, though. I swear I have a point. Or something resembling one. However much I'm revulsed at the idea, I say hey why not. I suppose I'm just marvelling that there are so many different kinds of people in the world. And that all of us like other things. Some of us like magnolias. Some of us like exercise, others like ice cream. Some even like liquorice. And then some like their sex shitty. And good luck to them. As long as I don't have to deal with any of it personally. Isn't it amazing that one person's heaven is another person's hell? I love it. And I just don't get people who make laws against magnolias, or coffee (which I also find disgusting), or liquorice.
So - I'm not sure how many more readers I've scared off now. Do say goodbye or shout some abuse before you slam the door!
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Well you've caught me with my pants down this time (so to speak). I'm speechless, I had no idea........ewwwwww, yuk, yuk, quiet vomit all over keyboard. Actually I think I'm shocked....yes definately shocked! Flemish magazines I hope come in sealed bags and sit high on top shelves in bookshops?
ReplyDeleteEwwwwwwwwwwwww and yuck! Each to their own but again ewwww!!!! I find that everytime I log onto Twitter I've lost more followers and I do try really hard to keep my language in check!! Guess they don't appreciate our brilliance ;-)
ReplyDelete@Countess - Flemish magazines are just allowed a lot more than Anglosaxon magazines the world over. I'm not sure there even are many restrictions on what you can write in them at all.
ReplyDelete@Emma - Welcome! I guess they don't.
your statcounter keyword thing is going to go craaaaazzeeeeee
ReplyDeleteI admit I've lead a sheltered existance. I had never heard of such a party. I always wonder how people who have these tastes find each other. It's not exactly something that comes up in Chem Lab at school.
ReplyDeleteAnd coffee is totally disgusting.
ReplyDeleteMy husband says sex isn't good unless it's dirty.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll try to shit in his mouth our next go around and see if he changes his tune.
Or his pants.
I am just laughing out loud at all these hilarious comments, especially All This Trouble's. That totally kills me. the whole poop sex idea makes me want to barf, and I would really rather have NOT known it existed, but now that I do, well, if you send an invite don't expect me to RSVP "yes." that is all.
ReplyDeleteNow THIS is why I luuurve your blog.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea this existed either - am somewhat bemused that I am obviously living an extremely sheltered existence. Must get out more.
Or not. Maybe i will just stay put.
I think there are things we cannot imagine which entire populations practice.
ReplyDeleteWhat I got from this post, dear Mwa, is that when you open your mind, you can't just open it so far. Well, you can, but then what is the use?
I agree with you- although I may personally find such practices bafflingly bizarre, if no one is being forced into joining in then who am I to say that it should not be done?
You know you have a twisted little mind, right? But then again, I am the one who said she would like to make love to a tree.
Oh and wait, what the hell? I totally forgot to tell you that it isn't your fucking swearing or your gay goddman porn that will scare ME off, it's the fact that you don't like coffee. I just can't wrap my mind around that one.
ReplyDeleteI must have been living on another planet because I had no idea these sort of things were practiced. And I thought gay men were so CLEAN!
ReplyDeleteYeah, blech. It's hard not to judge poop sex parties, I have to say. Freud and all that, you know?
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming the magazine you read about it in was a normal magazine, not Gay Poop Sex Weekly, and therefore didn't need to be sealed on the top shelf :)
@screamish - I purposely didn't use the word that is used in the "scene" (s*c*a*t) in order to avoid that particular problem. :-) But hey, a little more traffic won't hurt my self-esteem.
ReplyDelete@Steph - I think the internet probably helps them these days. Although I would imagine it might come up in Chem Lab sooner than in Latin class.
@All This Trouble - That made me laugh A LOT!
@Kori - Okay. I'll take you off the invite list.
But I'm not starting to drink coffee.
@Nicola - Big kiss to you. And yes, not sure if it's entirely necessary to add this to your list of experiences.
@Ms. Moon - I do know. And I'm glad you have just as twisted a little mind. Kiss.
@Angie Muresan - Well, it turns out that they, too, come in all flavours. (Eww.)
@Jo - Gay Poop Sex Weekly. That's too funny. I bet it exists, though. It might have a different name.
Yeah, yeah, it's great that this world is so... diverse!! I always thought the folks working in 'Diversity & Inclusion' at my old firm were a little weird, now I know why.
ReplyDeleteDon't you just wish people would show this level of imagination and acceptance of the unusual in other aspects of their lives?
ReplyDeleteI ought to clarify that I don't mean the people who have commented here, I mean humans in general, with their wierd and not entirely wonderful sexual imaginations.
As for following, one of the people I was following recently published that gadget where you can see the followers. I was horrified to see that my full and real name appeared, so immediately "unfollowed" everyone, including you. Just in case anyone else decided to add the gadget. Nothing personal.
@Metropolitan Mum - :-)
ReplyDelete@Pueblo girl - I would hate that! I was horrified with the Google Buzz thing as well. I don't like that you can't just lurk anonymously any more. I'm thinking of changing my whole blog over to an anonymous account. Problem is I tried that before and it wouldn't work.
Thanks for telling me it was you - that's half my issues sorted. :-) I won't take it personally.
Just read your tweet about Diet Tips - hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI have no other comment to make except - HOLY SHIT!!!
Cripes, well whatever rocks your boat I guess. Someone tweeted a blog post (not a mummy blog) with a list of unusual sexual practices like these. It was very funny and enlightening and if I ever find it again I'll let you know. I lost two followers as well this week, maybe it was the same two? I think you should have to fill out a leavers questionnaire when you unfollow someone. Although people might put something offensive in so maybe not. They don't know what they're missing out on do they?
ReplyDeleteWow. How do people get into something like that? Actually, I don't want to know. Shitty sex has acquired a whole new meaning.
ReplyDeleteso 2002
ReplyDeleteA Belgian magazine you say?
ReplyDeleteThen frankly, feces munching is tame compared to what it could have been.
Am I the vagina lady? Because if so I am like SO TOTALLY HONORED!!!! Meanwhile, I had heard about sex + poo, but not the eating part. I'm throwing up in my mouth a little right now.
ReplyDeleteBut hey, I'm with you. "Some of us like exercise, others like ice cream. Some even like liquorice. And then some like their sex shitty. And good luck to them. As long as I don't have to deal with any of it personally."
That could be a really good motto to live by. I love you, Mwa!!! XOXOXOX With love,
The Vagina Lady
haha funny, blimey shitty sex eh? ick!
ReplyDeleteI never knew people did that... eyes are wide open now!
ReplyDeleteBlimey - this is what I love about your blog its so darn educational