Creche stress

Bloody hell, I am stressed today!

I'm looking for a creche for our new baby and of course I've left it far too late. Over here, you really have to book somewhere as soon as you find out you're pregnant. However, even if I had started to look that early, I would not have found anywhere because creches in my neighbourhood are BAD!

I went to see one earlier that still had a space (that should have told me enough, really). I would not call that place a creche. It was more of a "child storage facility." It was bloody awful! I know I have high standards, but you know - this is my BABY I'm entrusting to complete strangers, for two whole days a week. And I do not feel good about a place where the curtains are torn, the babies are lined up in bouncers, and next to the garden there is an industrial site with giant stacks of metal barrels, even if they did assure me that they are empty "because the full ones are inside the hangar." After which a big fuel truck thundered past the flimsy gate, destined for said hangar.

I am now seriously regretting blowing up my bridges with Marie's creche. Fair enough, it's not perfect, but the reason why I chose it originally was because I went around ALL the local places and hated them all, so I ended up in her one, which is half an hour's drive away. Maybe it's for the best. I was never 100% comfortable with it, so it's probably best I don't go back there. On the other hand, I was comfortable enough to hand over my baby in the first place and Marie has been happy there.

Now what do I do? I cannot, will not, must not, be left alone with a baby for too long. The first six months are fine, because there's the breastfeeding and then the first vegetables, and there's the constant cooing and marvelling and also long naps. But after that, I need to get my butt to the gym a couple of times a week to replace the happy breastfeeding hormones and also I need to be left in peace to read a book or have lunch with a friend on occasion so I can remember who I was before someone grafted an infant to my boob. I know that if I don't, it will be a matter of weeks not months before I'm seriously depressed and that's no good for anyone either.

So - do I try to look for a private person who will look after our baby in their own house, or do I go grovelling to Marie's creche and beg them to take her anyway? I've been thinking I should ask exactly who will be taking the next baby group. There are three women there who I absolutely adore. If one of them was to take the next group, I would be happy to commit to another two years of that place. If it's any of the other ones, I'm not even going to consider it. The problem is that they do (too often) shuffle around the employees, so there's no way of telling if the carers will stay the same. Even if they assure you that they stay with the group until age 18 months, as they do. I'm not sure they'd even take me back, because my reception by the management there has been "icy" to say the least ever since I had that little chat with them a while back.

The problem with the private person is that you just never know what you're getting. You can go with gut feeling or recommendations, but behind closed doors you just don't know what's going on. When I was looking for a place for Marie, I voiced my concerns to the woman who coordinates these private situations in my local town, and she had a great way to reassure me. She said that "Sure we sometimes get bad cases like that woman who was found to tie the children up at home while she went shopping - but she's been fired now, so obviously the system is working." Which was very helpful, and completely silenced all my fears.

I phoned Jack's old creche this morning and begged them to make an exception for us. They're a university/hospital creche, so I have no rights there any more and they are always completely full. They are, however, the most wonderful creche in the whole wide world. They were very nice and put me on the waiting list, but I know there is no hope in hell of getting a place there. Even if I do, it's almost an hour by car to get there some days and that's just getting silly. I sometimes regret having been so spoiled at that first creche - it's an impossible standard for any other place to live up to.

The stress is driving me insane. I need a miracle now, please. Where is that fairy godmother when you bloody well need her?