Like so many people I can make rude suggestions about regular phallic objects when the mood strikes me, but I am not so obsessed that I can't peel a cucumber without automatically having my mind stray towards things sexual. I need a little more. What that "more" is exactly has been on my mind today. (Don't you wish you lived inside my head sometimes? Luckily you have this blog so you don't miss much.) I have decided it's details I need - either at the top or the bottom.
Allow me to illustrate:
Not necessarily funny
Always funny
The above is an example of "lower detail" which regretfully cannot be known by the singular name "penis" because it exists of three parts. It remains just a funny penis-like configuration of one banana and two oranges.
The two examples of definite "penis" I know are specimens which exhibit "upper detail". The first one is so obvious I don't know why its official name hasn't been changed yet from the rather dull and uninspired mechanical one, tow bar:
Penis
If any garage owners read this, I suggest you change the name. You know it makes sense. To any car owners: why don't you suggest the name change next time you put your car in for a service? We could start a grassroots movement.
I wanted to get a picture of the second "penis" as well, but I ran out of steam before I could. To my eternal shame I did want to and I even planned it into my day. My backache after several hours of driving intervened.
The object in question is that pull bar on the front of a fast food place's bin. Due to a lack of proper photographic documentation, I had to resort to the home-made diagram below. It shows an example which I remember from my adolescence, a period in which I took great delight in making my little brother (seven years younger than me) put away my tray, telling him to "please pull the penis." It can now never be known by any other name.
Penis
I am happy to say Belgian fast food outlets still have such bins. However, most no longer have the large red head on the top of the pull bar, which does lessen my delight.
It's all in the detail, you see.
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It may not come as a great surprise that this is what caught my eye at the supermarket and therefore what we had for dinner tonight:
Flemish asparagus
Banana added only for scale, not comedic effect
It's all in the detail
It's not because I'm pregnant I can't have a one-track mind.
Posts
The inside of your head is mostly amusing me today - you have really thought this through!
ReplyDeleteWhat in the hell? I think I would be a little trepiditious about putting that asparagus in my mouth. Although...nope, nope, NOT going there!
ReplyDeletehm..why do those things not rmeind me of a penis??? maybe bcause i have one???
ReplyDeleteanyway...i m so glad you cal things by its name..i hate it when people in proper conversations dont use the right words for penis or vagina...a while ago i wrote a column for a german magazine an dthe ytotally flipped because i used the word vagina in it...sigh*
very funny!! afraid our house is at the willy stage with a 3 y o toilet training boy who needs an easy word.
ReplyDeletehe did impress my mum by saying his sister's willy was actually a clitoris...
I find it hysterical that so many man-things look like or remind me of penises. Guns. Rockets. And that so many have "male" and "female" parts. And I can't peel a cucumber without thinking at least vaguely of something sexual. So. And I'm old.
ReplyDeleteI loved this post, by the way.
I do this too. THis was so funny to me. Now I'm off to eat asparagus! And a banana. Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteI'm just going to link to the picture I put up on my blog of truck testes, just for your other readers' enjoyment. This is real! I couldn't make it up if I wanted to. http://gas-food-lodging.blogspot.com/2010/04/going-some-place-where-gum-isnt-stinky.html
ReplyDeleteI'm never going to look at asparagus in quite the same light!
ReplyDeleteI'm guilty of letting my son have a willy. I don't like the word penis so much. Though we'll convert to it when he's older and I don't have to worry about him going round shouting PENISPENIS in the schoolyard or supermarket.
ReplyDeleteOr will, I, Danielle?
Beware of grown men playing hte penis game...
@Muddling Along Mummy - It's a good topic to think about!
ReplyDelete@Kori - They only really look like penises when they're uncooked - the Flemish ones go all soft and floppy... I'm not doing myself any favours here.
@Danielle - They don't? Maybe you have lots of things that remind you of vaginas - if you are more that way inclined.
And seriously? Would Germans have a problem with the word vagina? Strange. I like proper names, but I must admit it's sometimes easier in my second language. Luckily Babes is an English speaker. ;-)
@Becky - Welcome!
And WOW at your son knowing that word. That's an impressive one.
@Ms. Moon - Yeah, when the mood strikes me the whole world is one big genitalia-fest to me as well.
And thank you!
@Kingmom - Mmmm. I did eat that banana as well.
@GingerB - Oooh, I remember them! I showed those to Babes, I thought they were so funny. Good link!
@muummmmeeeeee - Ha! Glad to be infecting you.
@Jo - Oh, I am partially just as guilty. Jack has both words in Flemish. Also easier if everyone else uses it. I use "penis" about quarter of the time, though, so he doesn't think it's strange later on. I still can't get used to the "proper" words in Flemish because of that. It's training for me as well as him. Again - thank god I speak English a lot.
Also - I really don't worry when the children mention penises in the supermarket. We all have our embarrassing things, and that's not one of mine. I have plenty of other ones, though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHk2HSzXry0&feature=player_embedded
ReplyDeleteIt's just - for some reason, sometimes D (2 yr old boy)bounces up and down a nd shouts 'Willy Cream! Willy Cream! I'm putting Willy Cream on you!!'
I don't know where or why or what this came from... but I find willy cream preferable to penis cream sometimes.
Excellent. I confess I haven't noticed that about asparagus before. There must be quite a bit of 'it' about today. I've written about how the Commandos can win the war by 'freeballing'. ;-p
ReplyDeleteOh Mwa my love, I should know by now that your blog is an instant cure for the blues.
ReplyDeleteI am now off to spend the day looking for things that look like penises (hopefully some of them will be ACTUAL penises).
Brilliant.
hm...no..actually there isnt much either that reminds me on vaginas...OH:MY:GOD...whats wrong with me????? but..hm..maybe i dont see those things for real because i work with sex everyday????
ReplyDeletei m very strict with kids words for genitalia..i was teache dteh proper words from the start..and i rember how much i hated the other kids with her baby words for penis and vagina..as well as for the baby words for the process of using the toilet..ach..a pain in my 6 and 7 year old brain...
ohhh jooo....the penis-game is such fun...!!!!
@Jo - Penis cream... took me a while to see quite how funny that is.
ReplyDelete@vegemitemix - Looking forward to reading that!
@Josie - I do hope for you some of them are penises. They are the best penis-like things. Apart from on some days bars of chocolate.
@Danielle - That is a bit sad. Maybe you should practice seeing more genitalia in things. On the other hand, it might be a bit like taking work home with you.
I also vote for the penis game!
ha..i m cured!! someone just reminded me that the mask they put on ur face before an operation always makes me think of vaginas..like.."now count to ten and breathe into the vagina"
ReplyDeletemaybe you should start a gallery of penis inspired photos.
ReplyDeleteHe he glad i am not the only one with an immature onw track mind!
More penises. Yes!
ReplyDeleteGosh this all made me giggle.
Love the way you think and write. I never noticed the penis behind the car. But you're right, they should just change the name.
My poppies embarass me before they bloom.