Marie, dropping her ice cream onto the table, went "Oh my god." In English.
I just about taught her the additional phrase "What the fuck?" but was too busy giggling.
After my very passionate speech about voting and the democratic process (I do this speech every time we vote, which in Belgium is about once a year), she said: "I'm going to choose that I become the boss."
Maybe I missed out a couple of vital parts of the explanation there.
Also, she's still convinced that she'll grow a penis someday soon, even though I keep telling her she won't. She is disappointed every time. She has accepted breasts as a consolation prize.
---
I don't know how I ever managed without wet wipes. I can't remember the first time I used them myself. Maybe I ran out of toilet paper and had some handy. Maybe I just thought "what if" and that was that. Life was never the same again. And not just to get stains out of clothes (works a treat), wipe dried snot off faces, remove dog poo from shoes, or clean anything sticky. I have to have some next to the toilet now.
Whenever I go to a bathroom somewhere else and foolishly forget to take my handbag with its supply of wipes, I hope no number two will be forthcoming. The few times my prayers were not heard and I was reduced to the use of prehistoric dry bog roll, I actually got the toilet blocked. Which I can't remember doing all that often before wet wipes. (Well, then it was more like 10% of the time instead of 90%.)
I get those Arabs and their need for water in the loo. They apparently think we're filthy because we consider paper sufficient. They are so right. I vote sink, water, soap, washcloth (a clean one for every new visitor, obviously). Probably better for both the environment and the plumbing than flushing wipes.
(Also - when you say "wet wipes" a lot in the same conversation, do you also end up saying it "wepwipes?" It seems a natural progression to me.)
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I think a bidet is a great thing. Wipes ren't flushable.
ReplyDeleteBidets were only popular here in the 70s and now they've disappeared altogether. Great for bums, feet, periods...
Tell Marie about her clitoris. They're tiny penises, really, and come from the same start. That's the consolation, and it's a good un.
Aww Jo beat me to the punch, I was going to suggest teaching her about her clitoris too!
ReplyDeleteI love love love wet wipes. I even found some flushable ones and I love them. Best thing ever.
I don't know. I still like the washcloth. They make nice thinner, smaller ones for babies. Water, cloth; use, wash, dry, reuse.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm just an old hippie.
Ha ha, definitly TMI. My husband takes a stash of wet wipes to work because of the nasty paper there. It makes me laugh, and I tease him with 'ahh, are they for your stinky bum bum?'.
ReplyDeleteThere good for wiping marks off the wall too, especially if you rent, does strip the paint a bit though-eek.
I'm totally with you on the wipes in the bathroom
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't know the meaning of TMI
hee hee
@Jo - I would quite like a bidet, I think. I've never actually used one. If I built my own bathroom, I'd put one in. I like the thought of a fresh upward spray.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'm ready to have the clitoris conversation with a two year old. Especially because of her tendency to discuss EVERYTHING with the grannies at school. Maybe in a couple of years.
@Mad Woman - They are great. For everything.
@Ms. Moon - Like I said, I would love to switch, but then I need some water closer to the toilet (other than the water in the toilet). Maybe in our next house I will get a bidet. Or a closer sink.
@A Muse Inner Me - That is funny, about your husband. I would tease mine about that too. But if I was going into work every day, I'd take my own stash and be teased in turn.
I have wiped walls, clothes, bottles, tables, hair, feet - you name it, I've wiped it. The paint thing is annoying, though - I've had that.
@michelle - Honestly, neither do I. :-)
Yes, they are handy little buggers.
ReplyDeleteI know where you're coming from, but isn't it sad? - it's fine to know all about penises, but there's still so much shame and taboo about having a clitoris.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it different? Why is it so hard to get over?
@Megan - They are.
ReplyDelete@Jo - It is sad, I suppose. I don't feel the shame myself any more, but I suppose it's just a harder subject to start on, because it doesn't have an obvious function at her age.
Also - I don't think it would help in this particular instance because it doesn't do nifty tricks like peeing in any direction you want. Which is why she's wanting one in the first place, I think.
WepWipes? Dog poo? Arabs? TMI indeed for a Saturday morning!
ReplyDeleteMarie and you could do some stand up comedy.
ReplyDeleteI have recently discovered the wonder that are wet wipes via LLC's baby wipes, now used around this house for anything and everything!
you're all so unecological!!
ReplyDeleteGood point about peeing. You'll have to get her a water pistol :)
Living amongst Arabs I can tell you that, although it sounds fab it also makes for some very water-drenched public bathrooms at times!!
ReplyDeletewell..i m all for water instead of dry or wet whipes...grown up with a bidet i m misisng it right now ..when i build my own house there will be one again plust a pissior..for the male guests....
ReplyDeleteI don't like the fact that wipes aren't flushable and I refuse to put pooey paper in the bin! But for everything else, they're great.
ReplyDeleteThis just makes me smile alot. Look at all these comments on penis envy & wet wipes! Well done!
ReplyDeleteI am totally for water in the washrooms, though obviously I not in favor of wet public toilets. In my part of the world, we turn our noses up at people who dry wipe rather than wash :-p
ReplyDeleteWet wipes are a boon, you can clean anything with them. I even sprinkle a bit of disinfectant on them to double wipe spots where we have accidents.
@Hot Cross Mum - Maybe I should put a Saturday morning TMI warning on this blog.
ReplyDelete@Tanya - I know! It's something they just don't tell you before you multiply.
@Jo - I know - but I think we're all unecological about something, and then good in other areas. That's how I rationalise it anyway.
I will get her a water pistol, but surely that doesn't compare to the magic of the pee-spray.
@Eternally Distracted - Oh yes, I can see how that would happen. And be pretty disgusting. Well, we'll need lessons as well then. Or wet wipes in public, bidets at home.
@Danielle - Ah now I want you to tell me of the benefits of the pissoir vs the toilet, because that is not so obvious to someone penisless like me. Why would you think it was worth building one?
@nappy valley girl - I just flush them. Luckily, sewage here gets processed and doesn't go into a river or anything. So it's almost the same as putting it in the bin.
@All This Trouble - I know! I'm loving the reactions. I knew I couldn't be alone with my little fixations.
@nmaha - Ooh, now I'm trying to find out where you're based (my part of the world - very cryptic) but have to be running off to the shops. Will try harder later.
Right there with you. Cannot imagine how I survived without wet wipes. I carry them with me everywhere, and when my kid went to summer camp last week, I made him take a bag with him.
ReplyDeleteMy god, you are a fountain of knowledge-because I can in all honesty say that I have NEVER made that natural progression from wiping a baby's bum to my own. Clearly I have missed something tremendous. Thank god Hannah is going to have a baby so there will be wepwipes in the house again. I will let you know.
ReplyDeleteI, too, would choose to become the boss. Go, Marie! And in my world? "Are you fucking kidding me?" would be THE phrase.
You know that one of my sons asked me one time if I was sad every day that I didn't have a penis.
ReplyDeleteHey, my Cottonelle brand flushable wipes claim to break up after flushing. I am not unecological. I'm not. Or if I am, I don't care, because I can't poo without them. Can't. Won't. Husband can't make me.
ReplyDelete@Angie - I've not gone that far - mine still went off without wipes. Worth considering in the future, though. :-)
ReplyDelete@Kori - You will be converted, I'm sure. It's only a matter of time.
@Debbie - I love that. My son I'm sure thinks the same thing. He's very much in love with his.
@GingerB - I should look for something like that over here. (I can't either.)
Oh this is too funny...I thought maybe Finn cooked for too long and that's how he grew a penis. He was supposed to be a girl.
ReplyDelete