I'd probably join them and shed my bikini if it wasn't for the neighbours on their roof terraces, behind overlooking windows, and on the other side of an eye-height concrete partition. It would be another thing if they were all naked, too, but we don't live in that kind of neighbourhood, so the bikini stays on for now. I'd love to live somewhere that wasn't overlooked at all, though. A bikini still feels like such a random piece of fabric. Why not cover up my nose and knees instead? That would make about as much sense.
I remember the joy and freedom that comes with being naked - having been raised by nudity-loving parents myself. I love seeing Jack run off to the nearest tree and peeing as high as he can. I love it when Marie picks pieces of grass from her bum with the utmost care and attention. Why get their swimsuits dirty when they prefer it this way anyway?
... and then I'm confronted with the limits of my liberal sensibilities. Because the nudity does bring out some fierce struggles with my own personal taboos and boundaries. These children are genitally obsessed! I'm sure it's a completely normal part of their development and discovery of the world, but oh my fucking god they are in love with their bits! And the incessant and open display of this love does make me feel very uncomfortable. Which leads me to repeat the following sentences too often:
- Please don't play with yourself when you have an audience.
- Don't pull that. That's his.
- Don't prod that. That's hers.
- Get off each other please.
- Very nice. Now please stop showing it off.
Of course all this would be sorted if I just put bathing suits on them, but I'm not doing that. I think I'll keep trying to tell them that some things are best kept private. Apart from that they can have the sun on their bare bottoms as much as they like before they discover shame, as they inevitably will anyway. I hope it's a little way off because there is nothing like the joy I feel when I see them together lying bum by bum on a beach towel, playing with their cars.
What do you think? Am I being a prude? Should I stop interfering? Should I be putting swimsuits on them? Am I scarring them for life? Where would you draw the line?
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I think you're right that they'll police themselves once the age of self consciousness appears. And I too stop my children humping each other. I think it's a kind thing to do to teach kids about appropriacy and privacy, life is not kind to those who grow up without absorbing that knowledge.
ReplyDeleteGah, my smallest asked me yesterday if something had parts - something very genital-less, but I can't remember what!! My daughter also wished that we could by a Vulva (she meant Volvo, lol)
Last time I walked down the seafront with D, he was hilariously amused by all the 'naked' men - I felt bad trying to explain that it's ok for men to be bare chested, but not women, because they have breasts. It seemed so nonsensical, I hated passing it on to him, this random notion, like you say. The old fat guy's beer belly he was looking it was far less pleasant than a pair of boobies, really.
When my daughter was a little older, she paused in changing at the beach to ask, 'is it ok to show my bum about?' - they do start to get it.
For now, freedom within reason seems the best policy :)
Plus, as you say, my kids have the very best bottoms, they're delightful :)
I have no idea. What you do sounds fine to me - go as far as you're comfortable with. There are limits, after all, in the big wide world which are completely arbitrary (vis, bikinis).
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I suppose at a certain age they will start to pick up other children's notions of nudity.
ReplyDeleteI don't have an answer just my own experience - having grown up in a very nudity liberal family, I was mocked in the school shower for freely undressing and not covering myself with a towel. As a shy child, I was mortified. A more confident child would have been ok. So I guess there's a case for making kids aware of possible boundaries, though I still think that the problem was with the other children in my case not with me.
ReplyDeleteI also experience that other care givers may take different attitudes, and this can make for mixed messages, making it all even more difficult.
A few months back I was about to post a photo on facebook of my daughter and her cousin naked in the bath. I had no qualms about it, until my husband reminded me that images of naked children may be misused - and privacy settings on facebook are worth nothing. It's such a shame we need reminded about this when all we see, and the children experience, is childhood innocence.
It's a nightmare these days isn't it. I have no idea, I guess it's just a choice. Recently on the on holiday we walked down to the beach on arrival just to have a look. Madam E insisted she get naked, we didn't have a cosy but i felt uneasy and every other sentence to her was 'put your dress back on'. You don't often see kids naked on teh beach anymore, and I felt like all eyes were on us saying 'cover that child up'. Years ago all you could see was full or half naked children. What is right or wrong these days? Who knows unless a law is made, but that would be a little OTT to say the least. Personal preference and judgement on appropriateness I'm going to go with.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I live in the US Bible Belt, so unfortunately these choices are made for me... My kids all still like to take a bath together and then one day the babysitter informed me kindly (as you would inform a slightly stupid person) that she had separated them for bath time by gender. But generally, we just make the distinction between public and private and that seems to work.
ReplyDelete@Jo - Humping each other. :-) They haven't done that yet. Even though Marie did hump my leg a couple of times.
ReplyDeleteAs for the arbitrariness - I do like the Southern beaches in Europe, where men and women both tend to wear just swimming trunks. Seems a lot more fair really. Even though fat old men do ogle. (I do occasionally ogle the odd fit man, so in a way it all works out fine.)
@Pueblo girl - The big wide world is so fucked up in so many ways, though - I find them a dubious measure to use.
@Megan - I was horrified when a little four year old came to our house wearing a bra top! That is so weird to me. I hope Marie won't be asking for one that soon.
@cartside - I went swimming with my school in just swimming trunks for ages. I think I only changed to a swimsuit when I was about eight (can't remember), way after all the other girls. I just thought they were pointless. It's not like we had breasts. And now I've already bought my two year old a swimsuit, thinking it would be warmer for her, but thereby of course stressing the difference between her and her brother. She looks damn cute in it, though.
Other caregivers aren't such a problem in our case, as they are all outside the home, and different rules apply there so the children understand that.
@A Muse Inner Me - I'm glad over here it's still considered pretty normal, for small children at least. But it's more and more difficult to be straightforward in these things.
@Sophie - Oh, it must be even harder for you then. We're pretty secular over here, so that's one thing we don't have to worry about. It must have been weird for your children, being separated like that.
I have no advice. But this is REALLY funny.
ReplyDeleteI've no real advice either, excpet to say that if you live in a house that's casual about nudity why would you cover only the kids up? i think at the age they're at what you're doing is just fine.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you're worried about them playing with their parts now wait until you have teenage boys. Trust me on this.
And the word "excpet" is a perfectly normal word.
ReplyDeleteWhen my first two were very young, we lived in the country and they ran around naked ALL the time. They hated having to put clothes on to go to town and as soon as we'd stop by their beloved Aunt Lynn's house for a visit, they'd strip again. Lynn sometimes put an ice chest with water in it on towels in the living room so they could "swim" while we chatted.
ReplyDeleteI realize this has nothing to do with your question. But it's a sweet memory of naked children.
And by the way- they both wear clothes in public now.
That's right, Mary - walking among us, Heathens in disguise!!
ReplyDeleteHow do people who aren't very bible-rific live in the Bible Belt?
We aren't too bashful in our house either and potter around first thing in the morning or after a shower naked. The kiddos share a bath. But I do tell my son not to keep waving his 'winky' in front of his sister! I think there will come a time when son is a little bit older and more aware of woman's bodies that I shall cover up a bit more, but we'll cross that bridge then. I do have fond memories of running around beaches butt naked and not a care in the world. These days we are so much more cautious of people looking for the wrong reason. Shame.
ReplyDeletePS - sorry for being the spoiler of SATC2 !!
I'm not sure I'm the best one to comment on this considering that my almost 6 year old son likes to run through the house and out into the driveway shouting "DANCING PENIS" and waving it around.
ReplyDeleteWe're a nudity friendly house too, but we have had to make many of the same comments when out in public. Once you've told them enough that when out in public they can't do something, because someone ELSE might not like it, then they'll get the picture.
AHA! Light bulb moment....if you tell them that someone ELSE might not like it, then they'll know mommy is still cool and that it's just the rest of the world that is prudish!
ah mwa..thats such a hard subject...
ReplyDeletei m totally torn apart between yes i show my body and hell no noone gets to see anything no way...
plus..having mini1 who like sto show off..and mini2 who likes his privacy...and beeing in middle and teaching both kids that both is all good that nudity is normal as well as the it is normal to want some privacy,..its not easy...
@michelle - Glad to have amused you.
ReplyDelete@tinman18 - Only outside the house, with the neighbours looking on, tinman. There's only so much neighbourliness I can move myself to show.
Oh, and of course it is.
@Ms. Moon - I'm building up sweet memories of naked children, too. And I love them already.
@Victoria - It is a shame indeed.
Don't worry about the movie - I was teasing you. My brain is in my uterus, remember. I've forgotten the plot already.
@Mad Woman - Dancing penis! That's a good one.
@Danielle - I see you are struggling with this too. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Must be strange having the two sides in your house.
Ah yes the memories of son #1 sitting on the couch next to me (him naked) playing with his bits saying 'look mummy' me 'oh wow, now put it away' son #2 was the modest one and daughter had to be told constantly to stop humping the floor, couch, chair etc. and that it's ok to play with our selves in private not for all to see because people get funny about it. Funny story here......we used to pat her on the back and she would say 'shhh, be bweery, bweery quiet, I'm humping rabbits. Instead if hunting (elma fudd..disney comic, if you know it) Hadn't thought of all that for ages, thanks for the giggle.
ReplyDeleteSandi
This is a toughie. I guess they will anyway pick up on the generally acceptable standards of nudity, so as long as we inform the kids there's no need to unnecessarily make them self-conscious.
ReplyDeleteAt home, in the privacy of our rooms (we live in a joint family), the three of us a comfortable with nudity. Outside I cover the little one up since I'm scared of perverts seeing my baby. Is this weird? (A couple of my nieces and nephews had unpleasant experiences when they were very young)
@Sandi - Humping rabbits - that would be memorable.
ReplyDelete@nmaha - I don't think that's so weird at all. While there probably aren't that many perverts out there, it's all over the TV and newspapers. I worry about it as well.
I just had a nice long thoughtful and rather amusing comment ready to post and I got an error through blogger and now, she is gone. So I think I will go home and strip and lay on the couch and ponder that. :)
ReplyDeleteI have no advice. I'm just impressed that you said you wear a bikini....Wow. I mean one of those tankini things I can understand but a real teeny weeny bikini? Wow.
ReplyDelete@Kori - :-)
ReplyDelete@Troutie - I was in my garden, though. When I go somewhere public, I wear a swimsuit just now.
We're starting to go through this - Toddlergirl is obsessed with her bits and I have no idea how to deal with it, can't decide if just to ignore or if better to try and police or what
ReplyDeleteREALLY don't want to give her hang ups but....