My other children got six months of breastfeeding each, and I would SO love to give Charlie the same. I probably will, but I fear I may break down soon because of it. And the culprit is modern living and its extreme individuality. It's just not providing any of the support I - temporarily, badly - need. Right now, I'm hanging on because Babes is still at home, but as of Monday I'm on my own with it all for twelve hours a day. And if I don't get more than two consecutive hours of sleep and stop coughing up snot by then, I don't think I can do it and breastfeed as well. Which would make me very sad.
- If I lived in a commune, I would have some other people around who could help look after my other two children so I could sometimes get a nap. They could even take the baby for an hour or two if necessary.
- If I lived in a commune, the two older children could go to school with the other children of the commune and I would not have to go through the madness of getting them both dressed and fed before eight in the morning - on my own - to walk them to school - on my own - while also looking after a baby. In fact, I think that would be enough for me to keep my sanity. The logistics baffle me. The time constraints stress me out beyond belief.
- If I lived in a commune, there would not be the need to organise trips to the supermarket with a baby, and possibly two more children, in tow. I'm sure they would give me another couple of weeks off, or look after the children while I went shopping.
- If I lived in a commune, I could take up my normal life and contribute properly again as soon as Charlie sleeps through at least part of the night, but until then I could temporarily rely on the support of the tribe.
Another solution would be to become meteorically rich in the next few days. A nice staff would sort my problems just as much. The chauffeur could take the children to school, while the maid would sort the day's meals. I could even hire a nanny temporarily for the four hours of wakefulness at night and the morning routine of the children. Sorted. Of course a truly rich lady wouldn't be breastfeeding at all. It's just not the ladylike thing to do, is it?
Ah bugger it - I just need this wretched cold to go away and for Charlie to sleep through a couple of nights, and all will be fine. I just hope both will happen before I quit breastfeeding.
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I hear you, sister. I too have had all these thoughts. Not the bollocks one, though, that's a new one on me.
ReplyDeleteBest sleep wishes to you both. Would you express and force his father to give him a night feed or two? Admittedly, that never would have worked for me, because I'd have been wide awake through the whole thing anyway.
Oh rubbish! Poor you. Sorry the logistics of it all are getting the better of you. Jo's expressing idea is a good one. Or is there someone vaguely local who has kids who yours could tag along with on the way to school, so you wouldn't have to walk all the way there and back? I'm sure you've thought of all these things already but I'm really hoping you work something out. And if you don't, hey, formula milk's still milk. There's lots of worse things you could do to him!
ReplyDeletethe logistics sound awful, my goodness, 8 am is early and 3 kids to manouevre...
ReplyDeleteWhen things got tough (with admittedly just one) I used formula when needed. And went back to breast milk only later.
Hope things will work out and you get some good sleep!
Hm, I managed to work full time and have three other children plus nurse Owen until he was 15 months old. Did I mention that I am a single mother, too, so there was NO backup at all? EVER? I am just sayin' that it can be done if you want to do it.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you are hanging in there. Being sick does not help, poor babe. You are doing an amazing job and I wish we were closer so I could stuff your freezer full of homemade quiches for supper.
ReplyDeleteCan you recruit your awesome sister to do your grocery shopping for you twice a week? I like the idea of asking a local to bring your kids school. You still have the hassle of getting them ready. Oh the pain. But do reach out for help. You will be surprised how willing people can be to help out temporarily.
I am super biased, but whatever you do, you must do for your health and wellbeing, but have you tried cosleeping? I nursed my infant kids at night with them in bed with us. I never had to fully wake up. It was still interrupted sleep, but it didn't involve screaming babies, getting up, fumbling for lights. It was just stick a boob in that softly whimpering mouth and close my eyes.
One nice side effect of breastfeeing is the oxytocin high you get that does help fight PPD and feeling overwhelmed. A nice big bottle of Bach's homeopathic flower remedy Rescue Remedy also helps. It's hippy Valium!
I like the sound of all the staff - that would be a very good thing indeed. As for the breastfeeding - it's a miracle you've managed it at all with two other kids. I've no advice except to say do what you need to to survive and look after yourself. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou do live in a commune. It's just a virtual one, so really crappy at things like the school run and the supermarket trip.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, no advice really, being sick does not help at all. I also had my last baby in bed with me, so much easier and NO you don't roll on them. Bugger the house, sleep when Charlie sleeps. Yes to a neighbour taking/bringing to/from school, people will gladly pitch in. I had to do it on my own too, my mother was useless sorry to say, and hubby stayed home for a week but was in his 'shed' for most of that time (useless as my mum) I do remember the almost numbing tiredness and you feel like it ain't gonna stop. I had a baby and a 17 month old who didn't sleep durning the day and of course the 8 year older brother. I think I just zombied around for a year haha. Charlie will start to sleep longer and you will feel better.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and blowing sleepy dust all the way over there to settle on Charlie, sweet dreams Charlie, give your mummy some rest.
Sandi xx
Jeez Kori, what are you? Some kind of machine? And if you want to be as unhelpful & lacking in empathy as that, well it's no wonder you had no help, EVER!
ReplyDeleteI hear you, Mwa! I have just a 3 yr old going to crèche 3 days a week & a 6 month old breastfeeding & not sleeping well & that's enough for me! I have a great husband, but he works long hours & would sleep through an earthquake so he doesn't wake at night at all. And both our families live on the other side of the world.
I too like the idea of joining another family to walk to school. The other thing would be to have as much as possible ready the night before, even down to bags in the car, get them to school & go back to bed with the baby. The house won't fall down. Could the older two go on a playdate to friends one other afternoon & give you a break? Or even time to cook up a double bat h of dinner & freeze half for one of those bad days we all have?
Chin up, we all have those days at times, even Kori I daresay!
I made Lord Honey get up and do more than he expected or we wouldn't all be here to talk about it my house now. Any I had bad nursers, so I pumped at night while Mr. Addy gave a bottle of previously pumped milk, which can sit outfor quite a few hours, so you have a wee bottle in your bedroom, ready to go, and one of the times he wakes, its Babes who gets the job done. I swear if I had had to be awake to get every feeding done, I wouldn't have pumped/nursed forever and a day. But when it worked, it was so nice, so nice I long for that experience, but not enough to have another, mind you. Not.
ReplyDeleteHang in htere, it get easier when the routine gets established, and you are no longer sick, don't you think?
Why do you think that bottle feeding would make it any easier? At least with the breast feeding there is no preparation and you can lay down with him and nurse him and actually doze while doing so when you can find that moment.
ReplyDeleteLet yourself get over this cold before you make the decision. All will be better then and all will be easier. I KNOW it's hard but honestly- I'm not sure substituting the bottle would make it any easier except that yes, Papa could feed him now and then. But face it- you'd still mostly be the one to do it.
Do whatever gets you through. It is very hard, especially if you are feeling ill. You have got this far, and the early days are the really important ones. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty!
ReplyDeleteI think you just have to do what feels right for you, which you know deep down. Follow your instinct. You can only do your best.
ReplyDeletePS Love Iota's comment!
Hello Missus, when I had No.2 he fed non-stop. He was a big(ish) baby and there were times when I would literally only get 20 minutes between the end of one feed and the start of the next. No.1 was only 15 months so it was a bit like having 2 babies. I was determined to breast feed (as they say it can help prevent diabetes, which I have) but it was utterly killing me.
ReplyDeleteI ended up so shattered and ill that 2 muscles in my eye went into temporary spasm and I got a squint. (Honestly, I wanted to actually kill myself at that point!! Thankfully though it recovered quickly after I quit and got some rest). But it was my doctor who told me I HAD to stop. I wouldn't have if it had been anyone else.
My advice to anyone is that it is great for the baby, yes, but not if it makes you ill. Your health is important too.
Seriously, would a squint really enhance your life right now???
I can't believe I missed the birth of the darling boy! What an excellent name! Congrats.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Ms. Moon. I gave Rose a bottle for a week and hated it. Never used another bottle for any of the next four kids. Just seemed like too much work.
Co-sleeping helped me a lot! I slept with Rose and Maxine (both Olivia and Elijah slept through the night pretty much from birth) and nursed all of my kids for 2 years each. I moved Rose and Max into their own beds when I was weaning them. Nuts and nuts and nuts, but one of the biggest accomplishments of my life.
I hear you, and will be writing a very similar post in about 2 months time. Good luck with it all, here's hoping for some sleep soon. big hugs. xxx
ReplyDelete@Jo - Expressing is too daunting a thought to me just now, and by the time it's not, I'll be doing fine breastfeeding. I hope. :-)
ReplyDelete@planb - I should indeed get someone to take the kids in. That would make a huge difference for the first few days. Or maybe I'll keep that plan up my sleeve until I really can't cope any more - a planb if you will. Just having it in mind may make the difference, psychologically.
@cartside - I got more than six hours! In three shifts, but still... Doing better.
@Kori - Okay, you win. That is endlessly crappier than my situation. I will remember that and keep going. But I will still bitch about it when I haven't slept.
@geeks in rome - I'm wishing you lived closer too now! I would love a homemade quiche. Or just a chat when you came around to stuff my freezer.
I'm sure I could enlist my sister, but she is ridiculously busy herself just now, with a dozen balls up in the air. Maybe I should just invite her to live in my commune - then we can help each other.
I am considering cosleeping, but I have gone the other way - I'm staying down in the living room all night just now. I seem to sleep better on the sofa just now, and he sleeps better in his crib. I also have the TV to keep me company... But I'm not against cosleeping in theory. I just sleep worse that way myself.
I do love the oxytocin! It's magic.
@Lady Mama - Thank you!
@Iota - Ah, what a lovely comment. I feel the love of the commune today.
@Sandi - Thank you! I will just remember it will pass, and luckily I'm very good at letting go of the housework. :-)
@Aismum - Sounds like you know just what I'm going through. Thanks for visiting and commiserating!
(I see where Kori's coming from - I don't think she meant anything bad.)
@GingerB - Babes is VERY good in the day, but VERY bad in the night, I'm afraid to say. Safer to just do it myself.
But you are right that things will hopefully settle soon. And then we will be fine.
I do also love the breastfeeding too much to give up any time soon.
@Ms. Moon - I thought maybe he would go longer between feeds and sleep better if he was on formula. But I'm not switching unless I absolutely have to. We all just need some sleep and then we'll be fine, like you say. And the phlegm needs to go.
@nappy valley girl - Oh I can do guilt all on my own. :-) Thank you for the supportive words.
@rosiescribble - And thank you as well.
(Me too!)
@fiona - A squint would indeed not enhance my life. :-)
I already have an interesting ringing in my ears, and a funny ache behind one eye. Good start!
@erin - Thank you!
I don't like bottles either - mainly the effort you have to put in cleaning them and the cost of the formula and having to get out of your warm bed.
@PantsWithNames - I am already looking forward to your post! I will come and commiserate with you just as much then. Thank you!
I'm so sorry you are so stressed and feeling so bad. I hope you feel better soon and that all this will work out well for you.
ReplyDeleteThree kids, don't know how you do it. How do you have time to even write on here? I had to stop nursing after 5 weeks because I got sick and I felt so guilty. I wish guilt wouldn't come with motherhood. Do the best you can and Charlie is going to be great and wonderful (along with your other 2) whether you make it to 6 months or not!
ReplyDeleteyou poor thing. that is so overwhelming. i totally get it. hang in there. i'm sure i'll be, at some point, posting something similar after Ever is born :)
ReplyDeleteToday is Monday - thinking of you and hoping you got rid of your cold/became meteorically rich over the weekend and employed staff/got some sleep/are coping OK.
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean. As my days of communal living are over, my breasts are just for my husband.
ReplyDeleteKori. I looked at her blog and it explained everything. Self-righteousness towards others is the original unforgivable sin in my book (which would make God the original sinner).
ReplyDeleteSupermum breastfed both of ours till nine months but always mixed it with a few formula feeds so that I could take a turn now and then. Couldn't husband take some emergency parental leave or something? on the other hand, I'd find that very difficult to manage immediately after paternity leave.
Hope your cold clears up soon and someone buys you a large amount of chocolate!
oh gosh, i can't even imagine such maddness.
ReplyDeletei laughed out loud at them making you get back into the free love too soon.
i wish this blog world was a commune because i know all of us would gladly give you some breaks.
esp people like me who have no children hanging on to me for life.
you rock Mwa, feel better super fast.