Now that was a "funny" doctor's visit I just experienced. After about three (non-consecutive) hours of sleep last night, I had to take my two youngest for their check-ups this morning. The appointment was for ten, which worked out perfectly because we could be home for Charlie's eleven o'clock feed. Ha!
Of course we were still waiting by ten forty-five, and Charlie was PISSED OFF, so I fed him in the nurse's office while the nurse asked me twenty questions. (Yes, everything is just fine, thank you - we didn't actually need this check-up. And yes, he is a giant.)
Then into the doctor's office with two children, one of whom (Marie) was getting an inoculation. I evilly hadn't told her about it in advance because I wasn't entirely sure if she was getting another one. (I really wasn't sure - and in my defence she hardly had time to be shocked before the whole thing was over.)
So there was Charlie, lying on the examination table, while I was hugging Marie who was understandably a little shocked at the whole concept of someone sticking a needle in her thigh and poking around a little bit. Of course this is the time Charlie chooses to start crying, at which point our delightful and friendly family doctor picks him up and gets vomited on profusely. Profusely, I tell you. It went from her neck all the way down into her cleavage, underneath her top, and into her trousers. Yes. THAT profusely.
I may have grabbed my burp cloth and wiped her breasts. I was TIRED and STRESSED, I tell you. I'm just glad we know this doctor really well and she is very cool so she didn't even blink when I went for her chest. Sadly, this was just one more item on the list of embarrassing things I've put her through. It's been a long time since I had hopes we could be friends...
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Okay, after twenty minutes' sleep and an overflowing nappy (Charlie's, not mine), I have some perspective. Instead of embarrassing, I now see this event as a lucky escape. It could have been a shower of yellow poo, as he was only wearing his nappy.
Yes, lucky escape. Much better.
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Ha, ha! I think you feeling her up was the least of her worries. She was probably more busy wondering how she would get through the day with vomit in her knickers!
ReplyDeleteWhen Hamish was a baby my diabetes consultant picked him up and he wasted no time in latching on to her boob through her silk blouse. So, eh...comfort yourself with the thought that these things must happen really often, ha,ha!
Oh no poor Doctor, poor you. All in a days work I guess.
ReplyDeleteYep. She's a doctor, If the worst thing that happens to her in a day is a torrent of baby puke, she' doing ok.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when you're covered in puke, you pretty much just want it off you. No matter how!
Sounds like new-mama adventures to me! As long as you didn't linger over her breasts and look deeply and meaningfully into her eyes while doing so you were probably totally okay.
ReplyDeleteHi - did I say congratulations already on the arrival of little Charlie? I've not been around during the summer! Anyway - that sounds more hideous than my daughter's green snot which was all over herself, at least...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she's used to it. It could be worse. You could have taken two small boys to the doctor yesterday and sat there mortified while they misbehaved atrociously, screaming and laughing, jumping up on the examination table, slobbering on the doctor's chair and generally being so bad that it caused the doctor to ask 'how do you cope?'. But then you would be me....
ReplyDelete@fiona - Ah, yes - latching on would be funny, too.
ReplyDelete@Very Bored in Catalunya - I suppose she was doing the kiddy consults. But still. Eww. Glad it was her, not me.
@Jo - So I was doing her a favour when I fondled her. Cool!
@Ms. Moon - I would like to look meaningfully into her eyes. I love that woman and secretly think we should be great friends.
@diney - We have the snot, too! The joys of children's excretions...
@nappy valley girl - Oh no! That sounds like hell, too. I suppose mine at least behaved well... today. Not like they don't have their moments. So how do you cope?
Oh WOW! Little elf once threw up on a nurse (have I mentioned this?) It had taken me and two nurses to force a dose of Calpol down her throat. She promptly brought it straight back up over the biggest one along with everything else at her disposal.
ReplyDeleteI didn't try and wipe their breasts though. Thankfully.
I'm sure a family doctor has seen and experienced everything. no worries.
ReplyDeleteBody fluids rock!
ReplyDeleteYour doc sounds cool but if she had gotten funny, you could have told her the puke was a result of a rushed feed because her office kept you waiting for so long!
ReplyDeleteNow that is hilarious, and all the comments back were too. I have had such a good laugh over this one. Ahhh, pumpkin coloured poo, had forgotten that one, although it should be etched into my mind forever. When son #2 @ a few months old @ 3am kept poo'ing that runny yellow poo to the point that I had no more clothes to put on him and my sense of humour went down the toilet with the poo.
ReplyDeleteAhh such happy days lol.
Hugs Sandi xx
Lucky escape, also in the sense that it could have been YOU not her, who received the full benefit of Charlie's vomit.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a Mum thing to do! Oh here I'll just wipe that puke off your breasts! Haha.
ReplyDeleteI wish someone had been there to wipe puke out from between my size F nursing breasts everytime I got vomit down the cleavage. Damn, that is hard to deal with while still holding the vomiting child. Or basically not giving up the vomiting infant and just sitting like a sponge trying to catch it all, to reduce the clean up that will be needed. This motherhood gig is kinda disgusting sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI once had a car that color. I used cans of spray paint to paint it black.
My hubby is a family doctor. He says the worst job is looking up someone's bum and seeing something coming!
ReplyDeleteoh..how could i ever forget those moments..when babies vomitted on me like crazy..so long ago,,unbelievable...lol
ReplyDeleteBetter the doc wasn't a dude and you were digging into his trousers to mop up the mess!
ReplyDeleteI love how maternal reflexes just kick in and all you can think is "Must clean up mess!"
Do you think that's why she kept you waiting so long. She knew you were coming.......!
ReplyDeleteNot really, all in a day's work. well the vomit, if not actually the unexpected breast examination. BY the patient.
i would've been quite happy to have had you clean me up, that's a good friend, for sure.
ReplyDeletebut i am half lesbian....
ReplyDeleteYes, even if you DID look deep into her eyes....
ReplyDeleteWell, like Bethany, I'm half lesbian.
Unfortunately, my other half is a 15 yr old boy.
Wait. That's not right.