Fuck baby-led anything! I am asserting my authority.
Who the mama?
I the mama!
I'd so had it with all this crap last night, I decided from now on I'm boss and we're imposing some structure around here. I love structure. I need structure. So do Jack and Marie. Why would Charlie be any different? From now on, I'm the woman with the plan and he will bloody well follow. He WILL sleep all night. He WILL lie in his own bed. He WILL take a dummy.
So what happened? I put him to bed. He was angry. He cried - for five minutes, while I patted him and told him everything was alright. I let him suck on my finger. I gave him a cuddle when he was irate. But I put him back down. And then he went to sleep. For ten hours, interrupted by two feeds. And we both got lots of delicious, wonderful sleep. He didn't even cry when I put him back after his feeds. We seem to have reached an understanding. And today we're both much happier than yesterday. QED.
As for the dummy, he wouldn't take it. But motherhood is the dragon of invention, or something like that, and I found that he would take it if I cuddled him with my face up against his cheek, making sucking noises. And now he happily sucks away on his dummy.
I will try to get a little more structure in the feeds as well, but I realise that's impossible right now because I'm still trying to produce more milk. I am stretching out the time between feeds a bit more, because I just couldn't keep up any more. I'm keeping all the things he likes - bath, sucking my finger, baby carrier - for when he's demanding a meal. He gets distracted quite happily and I buy me some time.
And now? Right this second? He's upstairs, in the dark of my bedroom, having a nap.
Ha!
I the mama!
(Ah crap - jinxed it of course by writing that last bit - gotta go. Shouldn't have been so smug about it.)
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I'm saving this post for a few weeks time when I shall be needing it! You de Mama!
ReplyDeleteI think it's about being consistent and confident that what you do will work. That makes the baby feel secure and accepting.
ReplyDeleteBeware though - often the first day they react out of surprise, and you think woohoo! And then the second day they know what's coming and it falls apart a little, but don't be discouraged, it's just a bump in the road.
I'd stretch the feeds by ten mins more to start with. Easy does it. And don't try and make him go more than three hours. I don't know about early three hour feeds anyway - his stomach is the size of his fist, and breastmilk digests v quickly and efficiently. Not the same as formula, and I think that three hour thing is formula based.
Go mama!!! I did the boss thing on my cat and it worked, but it didn't with my first born.....so where did I go wrong. Perhaps I used all my bossness on the cat so there was nothing left for the bubba. Oh well, I survived (somehow) I do recall giving him (baby) at six weeks, some stewed apple and a plain bland bisc mushed up together with some milk to get through the days where his appetite was bigger than my breasts, boy did the health care lady go nuts at me and told me I would end up with an over weight child. Oh how wrong she was, he is still slight as an adult. We are all so different hey! So good to hear you got some decent sleep.
ReplyDeletexx
Whatever works is what works.
ReplyDeleteGo MAMA!!!
ReplyDeleteHope it continues working
BNM
You go girl! I do think babies, even small babies, are creatures of habit and will cotton on to wanting constant holding / comfort sucking if their allowed it. Naturally we are weak to this because it's nice holding and feeding them but with LLC I tried to get her used to sitting independently for a bit from a pretty early age while I went about my business and talked to her. Then she had company and I could do my thing and talk (always a fun pursuit for me!)
ReplyDeleteyay!
ReplyDeleteWell done...it takes a bit of courage to take control like that when you're in the throes of Baby World. A friend of a friend was so baby-led that she ended up starting her day at 4am every day because Junior woke up and wanted to play...even if it takes a while you have to give it a go...it's your life too after all and they have to get used to it asap or you'll end up a wailing banshee from lack of sleep and personal space and that can't be good for anyone...
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have this post printed out as a poster which I shall use as my mantra from henceforth.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right. I too am the mummy! And god damn it, I need my sleep! (to much whooping and generally fist punching in the air - American stylee)
Good for you. My view is that you have to be fairly firm, even if you don't follow a rigid routine (I never did)- it's a slippery slope with babies. Even now if someone tries to get into my bed and disturb my sleep I put them straight back in their own!
ReplyDeleteI'll book mark this for in a few week's time. Too early for structure for us, but I'm not going to do many more 7 hour non stop cluster feeding nights.
ReplyDeleteoh what a nice feeling being in control. A Mommy with a big heart does know best !!
ReplyDeletebrava!
Respect!
ReplyDeleteI was a bit strict with mine and put them down at the same time for a nap whether they liked it or not. Within weeks as newborns, they just settled down and slept like, well, babies. I think taking some control makes you feel more confident as a parent, even when it doesn't always work.
A Dummy is a pacifier? We call them Binkies.
ReplyDeleteMy kids wouldn't take them at all.
Yay you for laying down the law!!!
Good for you! You do what you need to, absolutely.
ReplyDelete@PantsWithNames - I hope you'll manage to blog then. I'd love to see how you get on.
ReplyDelete@Jo - You're right. As soon as I get more confident, everything gets easier.
I think you may be right about the beginner's luck. He slept all day today, wouldn't be woken. I think we might have another bad night coming up.
@Sandi - Health care ladies can be so awful! Mine told me to wake Jack up to feed him when he was sleeping nine hours. I just about laughed her out of the house.
@Ms. Moon - It worked yesterday! Hurray!
(Not so much today. :-) )
@BNM - Thanks!
@Tanya - Oh, we have to train him to do more of that, but he HATES it so far. I try to do it a little more every day, just to get him used to it.
@Kelloggsville - Indeed!
@screamish - Even if I wanted to, which I don't, it would be extremely impractical to follow Charlie's lead because I do have two other children to take care of. Your friend of a friend sounds a bit loopy.
@fiona - Your comment made.my.day.
You go, mummy! Whoo-hoo!
@nappy valley girl - I can't do rigid routines either. I'm always deciding to go somewhere at the last minute. But a semblance of routine I can do.
@cartside - That sounds awful! Poor you. I think that's a very good intention you have there. Two hour cluster feeds are where I draw the line. How are your nipples doing??? (Never thought I'd be asking that.)
@Geeks in Rome - Grazie!
@Expat mum - I am feeling a lot less insecure today, even though I didn't manage to do half the things I meant to do.
@tulpen - A dummy is indeed a pacifier. I knew about binkies, but the other day Jo called it a soother. I'd never heard that one. Must be Irish.
I don't think he's all that in love with his dummy yet. But I will keep trying, because he sucks. A lot.
@Lady Mama - Yay!
Well done! He's just lulling you into a false sense of security though. He's making you think you're de Mama. Mwuh hah hah haaaah....
ReplyDeleteYou are too funny! Way to take control.
ReplyDeleteHooray for you, boss. Stick to your guns. Or nipples. Or dummies. Or whatever works.
ReplyDeleteWish I was the mama! My six-week-old is feeding all night long, pretty much because I can't be bothered to deal with the crying. I should know better (this is baby four), but am always hopeless at getting them to sleep at night. I probably just like the cuddles, though could do without the scratchy-feeling eyes and befuddled brain. Good luck, hope it continues to work.
ReplyDeleteI think there comes a moment...
ReplyDeleteUm... What exactly is a dummy, funny lady?
ReplyDeleteWell done you. I remember this. So well. As if it was yesterday. God bless Gina Ford, haha.
ReplyDeleteHave just been reading back through your posts, and I know that it is late, but CONGRATULATIONS! and yes, you have made me unbelievably broody! - is three manageable?! glad you got the 10 hours - lovely lovely times - the new born baby times! lovely! x
ReplyDeleteWe were hopeless with dudelet - little elf went more along the lines of what you describe. Though we were still pretty hopeless. Just useless at structure, I suppose. That's probably why we ended up with her sleeping with supermum and me sleeping in the lounge for the first year...
ReplyDeletei was wondering what a dummy was too! at first i pictured a blow up mommy next to him HA!!
ReplyDeletegood job Mommy :)
@Emily O - He was as well. He has a cold now.
ReplyDelete@Debbie - Go me!
@GingerB - Sticking to my nipples. Good description of my state just now.
@angelsandurchinsblog - Oh and good luck to you! I'm sure the point will come at which you are fed up enough too!
@Iota - And that was it...
@Angie Muresan - A binkie, pacifier, whatever you call it.
@Metropolitan Mum - It's funny because in retrospect I remember it from the last time, too.
@Elsie Button - Thank you! And three is very manageable. As soon as you get through the first few weeks. I now firmly believe we'll be okay. And looking at how many people choose to have a fourth - it must be doable, right?
@dadwhowrites - We're doing the lounge thing just now but I think this has probably been long enough. Time to get reacquainted...
@Maggie May - That's funny. No, I do not fool him by substituting my body with a fake plastic one. :-)
Oh MWA how many times did i think that. grit my teeth. stamp my feet, flex my mirrors and shout "mama all p-o-w-e-r-f-u-l" like a sumo wrestler about to take on his nappied playmate.
ReplyDeleteAnd how many times did the baby puke, fart and scream back and put me right back in my place.
Good luck to you my friend. let's hope you are stronger than your little sumo.
M2Mx
ok that should have said "flex my muscles". interesting image...
ReplyDeleteSounds like my Tiddler (now 16 months and just given up breast feeding). He would be on the boob 24/7 if you let him - he loved it. All that 'mummy snuggle' time I guess. Have to say I went with it quite a lot, even though his brother is 4 and a bit of a handful (autistic). I gradually managed to get him into a bit of a routine with the feeds but decided it wasn't worth the upset and stress to be too strict about it. He's gradually setled down and eats and sleeps pretty well now.
ReplyDelete