Holy sister, evil sister

My already delightful sister An, may she always point in the right direction, has recently completed a major life change. She has decided to live more mindfully and more in keeping with her principles, and she is doing it well. She has given up eating meat, has sold her car and acquired a bus pass and a bike. She is decorating most of her new house with second-hand and reclaimed materials and furniture. She has found a bio hairdresser. She even gave up her TV. I am completely in awe. Where most of us would choose the path of least resistance, she is choosing to do the responsible thing for herself, her family and our planet. Go, An!

However - the change was rather sudden. Sure, she had been moving slowly in the same direction over the last few years, but the car/bike/meat/bio-hair/TV thing pretty much all happened in the same few weeks. This left me wondering what had brought this change about.

Last week, I finally worked it out: we have a family carbon footprint which the universe is balancing most rigourously. European countries are bartering carbon emissions as we speak, the more industrial nations paying the others so they can pollute more. In exactly the same way, some environmental god (Bumba, is it you?) is punishing An each time I hurt the environment a little more.

It makes perfect sense: An's major life change came about just as I pushed out another terribly energy-consuming baby. She is being made to compensate for our extra loads of washing, the one degree I upped the thermostat, the baby baths and the nappy waste. She is our black sheep of Kyoto.

I finally realised that this was going on last week. No sooner had I got a phonecall from An to say she'd strayed from the ideologically pure line and got a TV and a brand new, shop-bought sofa, our tumble dryer broke. The balance had been upset very briefly at one end, but restored at ours immediately after. The universe means business.

The universe also educates to alleviate our suffering. I have since learned that even in our harsh colder seasons, it is possible to live without a dryer. I have rediscovered the drying rack, have tapped the limitless potential of our many radiators, and have come to a new appreciation of our heated towel rails. Being environmental doesn't kill you. Really.

However - and this is the terrible thing: I like my towels soft, my baby's clothes non-crunchy. Also, I don't like spending half my day playing musical radiators with our dish towels. So - I have sneakily gone and ordered another dryer which will be delivered on Thursday.

The problem: I know something has to give. The family carbon footprint will get too large and another energy drain will have to be eliminated. If not, the gods will pick their own punishment and then I just hope it's not our washing machine or my car. So - in order for us to keep our scandalous lifestyle with two cars, a washer and dryer, and the glorious glorious central heating, I need to come up with a plan to eliminate some of our family carbon emissions - by Thursday.

The most likely candidate for an extra reduction would probably be An's household. She obviously cares most about our planet and is easily influenced in this area. I've considered phoning her up to make her feel guilty about the impact of her leather shoes, her continued use of milk, her liking for a good restaurant meal. But that would probably be bad karma and come to bite me in the arse in a huge way.

Maybe I'll just leave it and see. My brother's car may break down. My mother's kettle may malfunction. My other sister doesn't really need heating, right?

On Thursday, I may just unplug my laptop for the day, just to be safe. A broken kettle I could cope with. Broken internet not so much.