Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Beer, Facebook paranoia

  • I felt it was too dark in the kitchen to find my beer; then I remembered about the light in the fridge... and that was before I had a beer.
    I stopped a drawer from closing by sticking my fingers in the end... and that was before I had a beer.
    Any signs you may think I exhibit as a result of having a beer... I was probably exhibiting before.
    (Baby brain vs. inebriation - the difference can be hard to spot.)
  • Yesterday, a friend updated her Facebook status saying she felt watched on Facebook. She got some friend suggestions of people she had no friends in common with. Spooky, but that's how they work.
    I commented that I feel watched because of all the lurkers. These people who join Facebook and then just read about everyone, watching their photos, never posting anything themselves. They bug me. They make me feel watched as well. I'm thinking of culling some.
    Facebook lurkers are quite different from blog lurkers. It's perfectly okay to lurk on a blog. From the start it is clear you're putting stuff out there for anyone to read. On Facebook, though, it feels different to me. They're friends, family, acquaintances - I feel there is an implicit contract here: I reveal, you reveal, we SHARE. It's no fun if you know your ex-girlfriend can see all your baby pictures if you never see where she went on holiday.
    Today, this friend seems to have vanished from Facebook. Is this the Zuckerberg revenge, or did I spook her so much she quit? I don't think she unfriended me, because she has disappeared off other friends' lists of friends as well. The internet moves in mysterious ways.
PS Blog lurkers I love you. It's only Facebook lurkers who bug me.
PPS What do you think, Facebook lurkers: rude or perfectly entitled?


  1. I have a really odd FB lurker - she's someone I know of, we have kids the same age, live in the same village, I used to work with her brother... it's a small town. She added me then started appearing on everyone I know's FB as a mutual friend, I mean everyone... people I know through blogging, people I met on holiday, people she could not possible have a connection with other than from trawling through MY friends list and adding them all. I think she's done this to everyone. I find it really rude and have blocked her. Weirdo.

  2. @Nikkii - That is very weird. I don't see why you'd add people you don't know.

  3. But then I suppose I add people's blogs to my reader when I don't know them all the time. If you use Facebook like that...

  4. yeah but blogging is partly for entertaining. Facebook is meant to be more social/personal. I think blogging BECOMES social and personal but that is rarely it's primary aim. I'll freind people on facebook who I know OF and hope to get to know better... but not just randomers. I do not get that. Facebook should be for people you know or want to know.

  5. I don't know about facebook lurkers..have recently signed up a facebook account again under profesional name..and have had three random friend suggestions...from people I dont know, categorically can't know. its odd. i think people get swept away, they're trainspotters really, that's all...but with the more spooky side....going over to voyeurism....only a matter of time before the world gets its first facebook stalking film...along the lines of Pacific Heights (Michael Keaton and...? can't remember. Meg Ryan?).

  6. @Jo - I agree. But what with people who don't ever post anything on Facebook. Aren't they just missing the point?

    @screamish - Very possible. If you're unhinged and on Facebook, it sure opens up possibilities.

  7. I don't use Facebook that much but I only make my photos available to family or very close friends.


  8. I think it's partly because fb is used differently by different people. I'd with you on the blog/FB distinction, but many of my fb friends don't use it regularly like me(or at all) so they don't post. But they may still read and comment. Others collect friends and have hundreds - then it's no longer personal? So they may not be lurkers, just not be using fb as much as you do.

  9. I lock down my photos to an inner circle but I recently culled a lot of people I don't interact with. So facebook is back to a family and friends thing. Sometimes if I'm playing games when I know I should be working etc I will suspend my account for a while to stop me being tempted. Your 'friend' will have done the same thing. The account simply 'vanishes' whilst it is on hold.

  10. I only add people as friends on Facebook if I know them reasonably well and wouldn't mind them looking at my photos - even if they never posted any themselves. I know some people are freaked out by Facebook, but I think as long as you use it judiciously, it is fine. It is also great in many ways - I have just met up with a girl I hadn't seen since primary school, who was on a business trip to New York. That could be weird, but in fact we had lots of memories in common and she was a really interesting person.

  11. ahhhrg..jo jsut tried again to make me join facebook..like..waht..5 minutes ago? and i was almost ready to give it a try..but afte rthis post no way that i walk into the gate sof hell aka through the door of facebook...gah!i dont wanna feel watched...! actually i feel watched even without facebook so..gah!

  12. I think anything you put on the internet is going to be looked at and you can't control it once it's out there.
    The end.

  13. I agree - lurking on blogs is different to lurking on Facebook. Although sometimes I do... on both. I'm just nosy.

  14. Ah, I am on Facebook, but on private, so I can screen who I want as a friend, unfortunatly my ex is also on fb and of course we have mutual friends that is why I put mine private. I just hope he never finds my blog, I would really feel violated.
    My daughter recons I am a stalker because I look at 'friends' photo's. As I said to her, they are my 'friends' and when they post photos they are for all to see, so I am not stalking. They look at my photos too, so we are all sharing.
    Hope your finger is ok after stopping the draw hehe.
    Hugs Sandi xx

  15. I think that some people just like to collect names. They aren't interested in sharing anything on FB, they just want a big friend list.
    I don't actually post many photos, and none of my kids (my family don't rely on FB to keep in touch), and I'm careful about what I write too. You never know when things will come back and hit you in the face. Once it's out there, it's out there forever.

    Blogging is completely different in that it's an open space and unless you've put it private, you should expect people to read it even if they don't comment.

  16. I'm becoming more of a blog lurker by the day - but am not on facebook which is probably just as well. Hope your finger didn't take too much of a hit...

  17. I'm probably a Facebook lurker. I only post pics and videos of the kids a few times a year. I check out the homepage once a week.... peek around and I'm gone. I'm just not interested in it.

  18. Ah, a subject close to my heart. I completely agree with you on the 'sharing' thing - I don't mind people who I haven't seen since school looking at my photos as long as I can look at theirs.

    I think family are the worst. I like writing about Stevie and his odd little ways in my blog and I used to share my blog link through FB for my friends, but it makes it awkward when his family want to be friends. I can't refuse their friend requests, and they'd be upset if they knew I was being critical (honest) about him.

    My sister-in-law emails through FB when she thinks we have done something where we might have taken photos (e.g. a holiday) and asks where they are, and since I stopped linking my blog, has asked why I have been so quiet recently. She though never puts up a photo, not even a profile picture nor updates her status.

    My mother-in-law recently joined FB to see our photos and keep up to date with what's happening with us while we're abroad. But we found out that they had kept a stupid secret from us (S's brother splitting with his girlfriend) and his mother had encouraged this while we were over by making her son move out of the house while we were there, and I just thought if someone who is meant to be family can't even tell us something like that, yet expects us to share everything with them then they're no friend. But to de-friend the whole damned lot of them...., well, people take that very badly, don't they??

    (Thankyou for this opportunity to vent. I couldn't say this on my own blog, cause I think they might be reading)

  19. I don't know any FB lurkers, but I guess I probably wouldn't mind because I am one of those annoying FB people that is constantly spamming everyone with my blogs and other articles I've published, so I'm always hoping anyone will read my stuff, lurkers, wierdos, or otherwise. You've brought up an intersting convo though. Social media is really fascinating. Like FB and Twitter are kinda similar, but then not really. I follow people that I don't know ALL the time on Twitter, but I do think of FB as a little more personal and I don't typically just friend randoms (unless they are hot guys, of course.) Just kidding. Anyway, the other thing about FB and Twitter that I've noticed is that they can totally eat my life, if I'm not careful. My husband thinks the whole thing is completely insane. But then again, he doesn't really have any friends in real life, much less on the internet. And he still thinks all my bloggy friends are Elvis impersonating cyber stalkers.... (sigh) Men!

  20. *cough* I think I post a status update like once every two months. I am a pervvy lurker then...

    My reason is I usually have nothing interesting to say in less than 20 words. BUT I am an avid "Liker" (that's liker, not licker..) and commenter.

    My daily life is truly boring but when something cool happens or I see good links then I share away!!

    I should post more, but really... there is just so little material to work with ;(

    Blogging is different because that's storytelling and I could tell stories til I'm 1000.

  21. @fbs - I used to be on Facebook all the time, but these days I read blogs more. What a surprise.

    @cartside - I don't know. They could still just do the odd status update. If you can accept friend requests, you can mention you've had a baby.

    @Kelloggsville - I wish I'd kept it close family and friends only sometimes, but I'd be worried who I was offending if I did a big cull.

    @nappy valley girl - I have a similar rule about adding people - only people I'd happily go for a drink with.

    @Kate - More people should. Generally.

    @Danielle - Oh no! How can you not be on Facebook just now? It's almost as if you're not a real person. :-)

    @Ms. Moon - True. Very true.

    @Lady Mama - I'm nosy too. And a waterfall of information sometimes. Maybe I should just share less myself.

    @sandiart - I've set all my privacy settings to the most private possible as well. I hate that occasionally Facebook will randomly change my settings, though. My picture used to be private, and now anyone can see it apparently.
    Your daughter is wrong. If someone friends you on Facebook and then posts pictures, it would almost be rude not to go and look at them.

    @Sarah - I know some of them, too. At least I know all my FB friends in real life.
    I do worry about things being out there forever. On the other hand, my FB stuff is so much less embarrassing than some of what's on here...

    @PantsWithNames - The finger's fine, thanks. About the blog lurking - I'm noticing a move towards that. Lots of people seem to be moving away from their blogs or being much more intermittent. I suppose people were bound to get bored with it eventually.

    @tulpen - A few times a year is fine. That's more than some people. I'm talking about the ones that don't post a photo and their only activity is to accept friend requests.

    @fiona - Well, thank you for venting. I hope it helped. I'm happy to provide the platform.

    @Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip - Facebook used to eat my life, but mainly because I used to play Wordscraper on it. Good thing to do if you're huge and pregnant and immobile. I haven't played in about three months, though - surprise, surprise.
    Twitter I never really got into. It's a shame, because it generates a lot of blog traffic, but it feels wrong to only go on there to publicise my blog. Or isn't it? I don't really "get" Twitter.

  22. @geeks in rome - But then you're not a lurker! I really mean the people who don't even post a photo of themselves and never ever comment or like. That lot. You're fine!


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