I can see her in the distance. She's been sick with a bad flu all week, but now she's ventured outside. I'm happy to see her. She's a good friend and I've missed her. She's closer by now. I put up my hand for a little wave, and so does she. Her hand goes off course, and straight to her mouth from which she emits a small cough. It's a small cough - hardly audible - but unmistakably a cough.
A little alarm bell goes off in the back of my head. I tell this bell to fuck off. This is my friend, she has a little cough, she's most likely not going to kill me. Or my little innocent baby in his buggy. No, she definitely won't. Get a grip, Mwa. Everyone carries all kinds of bugs, she's no different. Just get on with the conversation and forget about the cough.
She gets to where I've been standing at the school gates. We catch up. I commiserate about her flu. I mean it. Poor her. But this conversation does rather make me think about it. And it makes me wonder, at the back of my mind, how long can a virus live outside the body. Is her coat infectious? Is she still infectious? Maybe her cough is just a secondary infection and no longer carries live viral matter. OMG MWA will you give it a REST? This is your FRIEND! Your very own children are CESSPITS of disease who bring home every kind of bug you can imagine from school. GET OVER IT!
The conversation gets off the topic of the flu and I feel slightly better. Almost forget about it. Yes, look at me standing here, being all benevolent to the woman who really should still be in quarantine or at least wearing a mouth guard and I'm not even mentioning any of that. I'm carrying on a conversation as normal. LALALA! Look at me being all socially adapted. No one can even tell I'm cra-zy inside. OCD I kick your annoying arse!
Toddler girl comes running out of the school and asks me to pick her up. While I bend down to gather her into my arms, I realise I have left the baby-buggy area unattended. The situation has gone from code orange to code red now. I took my eye off the ball. And there you have it already: my friend feels another cough coming up, lifts her hand, coughs into it, then out of the corner of my eye I see her "helpfully" taking the buggy from me. With the infectious hand. The hand full of cough residue.
"RED ALERT!!!" someone screams in my head. "GENERAL ALARM!!!" The head of virus monitoring inside my brain's OCD command centre goes purple. He fucking knew this was going to happen. Why hadn't I listened to the "fight or flight" command he so clearly sent out at the first glimpse of the lurgy-ridden ex-patient? This was a preventable cock-up, people!
My friend and I walk a little way. The buggy is now well and truly contaminated. Then I put down toddler girl and my friend gives the buggy back to me. I force myself to hold it, in the normal place, in the very danger zone. I will not make my friend feel bad. She's been helpful - kind even. She hasn't meant to infect me and my entire family with her awful flu. I feel like Mother Teresa or something. Mwa tends to the sick with no care for her own well-being. I can just see the headlines: "Mother of three dies from swine flu after act of kindness to friend; Baby will most likely pull through."
All the way home, I am conscious of the flu being on my hand. And then it's on the children's coats. And then on their hands which I hold. And then on the school bags. And now on the key, and then on the door. By the time we get home it's no use desinfecting hands or buggy because I would have to wash all of us with bleach all over, which I'm not going to do. Because I'm not crazy, people! So I let it go. Oh yes I do. I hardly think of it the rest of the evening. Maybe twenty times, but that is all.
The next day, I wake up with a sore throat. Bugger.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Not crazy. I was very easy going about bugs until Cubling had meningitis. From a bug which is usually harmless but because babies don't have a developed immune system bladibla...
ReplyDeleteAnd the flu? You really don't want the whole family going down with it at once.
I'm most definitely not OCD and I would have the exact same thoughts.
This is a sad story, Mwa. I think the flu epidemics have everyone a bit crazy and frightened. And fluey babies are no fun. I think you should just let yourself go nuts with the anti bacterial wipes and handwash and insist they're magic to yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, I'm the opposite about germs, I pretty much ignore them and none of us wash our hands and D goes to playschool and coughs all over us and ach, we've all been pretty ok.
It's the airplanes you have to watch out for!
I hold my breath if someone sneezes or coughs near me - I may look strange and somewhat purple in the face but it makes me feel better not to have breathed the same air as their infectious particles. Actually, that makes me sound a little crazy, but what the hell!
ReplyDelete@cartside - If I had gone through what you've just been through, I would probably lock myself in a bubble for a year with my baby. I admire you for still going outside.
ReplyDelete@Jo - It's not really the flu news that did it. I was just as bad before. It's all up and down. This is my particular anxiety and I have really good months, and then when I get tired and a bit down in winter... well, you know. Actually I know some germs are good for us and I genuinely try to let it all be. I don't even use antibacterial soap. So yeah. All healthy on the outside. Now just the thoughts to tackle...
@diney - I do that too! In a lift it's particularly annoying. If I have more than a couple of floors to go, I wonder if I'm going to make it and I probably go purple as well, all the while pretending I'm not actually holding my breath so as not to offend the sneezy culprit. It's nice to know I'm not the only crazy one.
I often open the bathroom door with a tissue lest people haven't washed their hands - maybe less so now but I always did when pregnant. The girls I worked with thought I was totally OCD about it and maybe I was. I've toned down using antibacterial gels etc now after considering we need to be exposed to some germs to build up immunity. I think it's good to be hygenic but there are limits. And it's definitely not worth thinking about all the germs lurking out there that we touch daily but don't see!
ReplyDeleteOCD is humbling. I saw a woman on Dr Phil who was washing her face in bleach solution daily. And herboys were starting to open doors with their sleeves too. That's what had her wanting to change.
ReplyDeleteI have my own little looney habits I'd love to get rid of but seem to be sticking with me determinedly :(
ha! I loved this. I went slightly mad with the alcohol handwash stuff when I had flu - trying not to infect the baby. And when a friend we met who was holding her casually announced she'd just got over pneumonia I had a big RED ALERT moment - I don't even know if it's infectious! Your post made me laugh at and feel better about my slightly ott and probably not actually that helpful reaction. Although as the commenters above note, some precautions probably are sensible and sick babies is no fun at all.
ReplyDeleteI think we're all a bit like you really. Isn't that why they came out with all these anti-bacterial 'everythings', and then more recently announced that probably we're all just better washing our hands properly and it's just as effective.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's trained into us early, when our mothers tell us not to sit on public toilet seats, and then we end up going quietly mental over toilet door handles; other people and their germs; and the perhaps invisible filthiness of the seats on public transport.
For me, I have started thinking about the cutlery in restaurants. If I think about the number of people who have used it before me, and how many mouths that fork might have been in, my brain starts to implode. I'm not sure if I'm alone with this one, but if you want to join me, just think of those containers where you have to select your own cutlery and there's always a dirty fork or just-not-clean knife in there. eugghhh, yuck.
@Tanya - I hate public toilets as well. But apparently keyboards are way dirtier. She types. Cringing.
ReplyDelete@Jo - I see a post there for you! Now I want to know what your habits are...
I try to stay reasonable with the children. I draw the line at coughing or sneezing in anyone's face though. They know that I don't like that. But then that's just sensible, right?
@LK - I had a moment like that with an aunt of mine. Eugh! I desinfected my baby and the chair she sat on as soon as she left.
@fiona - Well, I didn't have a problem with that yet. So thank you. ;-)
Before children I'd have thought you were a nutter, now, with the thought of both of mine getting it and then me getting it I am totally with you (and carry hand sanitiser in my changing bag...)
ReplyDeleteomg this is so great! I can so relate to this. I felt EXACTLY like this during Christmas when my niece kept coughing on my little guy. And I LOVE my niece and I LOVE my sister, but I really wanted to protect my son. And I kept trying to be sneaky and protect him so I didn't seem mean, but I had to tell my sis to help and she wasn't nearly as vigilant as I wanted her to be. AND guess what?? he DID get sick! ugh. Where's the line of kindness though? I kinda thought my sis should of helped more ya know? And when I'm sick I don't go see people with babies! Anyway, what I'm saying is....I'm sorry you're sick. Yes, bullocks to that.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay. Feel the way you want, disinfect all you want. You may be crazy but maybe you're not. But it's you, imperfect and wonderful and vigilant. And we love you.
ReplyDelete@Muddling Along Mummy - I used to have it in my bag, but there just never seems to be a "polite" time to use it until it's basically too late. Maybe I'll put it back in, though...
ReplyDelete@Darcy - I have relatives who will cough on my children as well. Drives me cra-zy. And with the adults, I don't really dare to tell them off.
@Ms. Moon - Ah now that is lovely. Like a word-hug. Thank you.
Not crazy at all, Mwa. That woman should have known better than to even approach you.
ReplyDeleteI hate it when people are so inconsiderate.
Hi MWA, You've been in my mind lately—and I soooo relate to your writing and thinking, hilarious, poignant and all too familiar.
ReplyDeleteMaybe one of the good things about virtual connecting is that it allows us to be safely far apart in order to connect in the dark and terrifying corners of our parenting hearts.
Sending All Good Wishes for Calm. Namaste
Thank you for making me laugh!Can OCD be cured btw? Don't think so, they're too funny! Els xxx
ReplyDeleteI am carrying a bottle of disinfectant and a stash of sanitary wipes with me at all times. And I am not afraid to use them. OCD, here we go...
ReplyDelete@Angie - :-)
ReplyDelete@Privilege of Parenting - Welcome back! You may be right. Even though keyboards are filthy.
@Els - I think it can be contained. I hope. xxx
@Metropolitan Mum - :-) I am considering putting my bottle back into the change bag.
I love the way you write.
ReplyDeleteOf course you should be posting this, it's true and hilarious and you.
Poor girl.
Since I am a school nurse to 300+ elementary school children and the mother of some too, I ALWAYS feel like this. Zoe put a santa cap on her head in the thrift store once and I shook and trembled so hard, I thought I might be seizing. She did not pick up head lice and we all lived yet another day.
ReplyDeleteOh yes...this happens too often. Teachers come home with 10,000 more germs on them than the average worker. I carry hand sanitizer everywhere I go. It's a must!!
ReplyDelete