- when I look in the mirror or at recent photos of me, all I can see is fat/ugly? I'm not that fat. Just a bit fat. I'm pretty much as ugly as I was before.
I know it's untrue and yet I feel it in my bones. Crap. - it's okay for me to leave Charlie to play on his own when I'm doing the laundry, but not when I'm blogging?
(Actually, this one is probably for the best. And I don't have any guilt issues when he's napping.) - I find it so hard to stop Charlie's night feeds? Is it because they make me feel needed? Is it because he's probably my last baby and these would be our last night feeds? Is it because he's so big and needs a lot of fuel?
I feel I have made a good effort, introducing the late-night bottle, trying to give him water instead of nursing him, and still no luck. - my funny me has gone on holiday but my tidy me is at home and doing overtime?
- self-hatred is the hardest thing to stop?
Monday, 31 January 2011
Why is that?
Why is it that
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Oh sweeting, sending hugs and a big mug of tea right over to you
ReplyDeleteCan you take a break on cutting the night feeds out and just not beat yourself up on it right now? Just go with it for a bit and then try again in a few weeks when things might have changed?
Ah- night feeds. He'll give them up one day and you won't even remember.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I am telling you not to hate yourself. Okay? I mean it. It does no good. Believe me.
I am not really in a postition to comment un-hypocritically on the self hatred issue.
ReplyDeleteGood advice I got was to laugh the voice away. Also, EFT (emotional freedom technique), tapping, google what to do, and say 'Even though I feel (insert negative feeling here), I love an approve of myself' repeatedly, til you feel better :)
Apart from the practical stuff, try to do some things that make you happy. It does help a bit.
hugs and kisses xxoo
PS: I've seen your picture, and you're super cute and beautiful. Just give it a wee while, it comes back round again, don't worry!
ReplyDeleteI doubt very much that you are fat, and I saw you in those hat/sunglasses photos and you were a vision of loveliness. And anyway, it's mere minutes since you had Charlie, so why beat yourself up. If like me, you are still looking slightly pregnant 4 years after the birth then maybe it's time to stop eating Smarties.
ReplyDeleteI think you should take it easy on yourself. Relax on the night feeds; I'm sure Charlie will sort himself out in no time, and I'm sure you'll even be happier when he does. Most of all, take care of yourself.
I second all of the above, and point out that you have some of the best readers on the interwebs.
ReplyDelete@Mudddling Along Mummy - Thank you. I think I will. A few weeks can make a big difference.
ReplyDelete@Ms. Moon - I know. And I'm trying to give up. I know it's ridiculous. And yet, and yet, it seems to be stamped in there.
@Jo - Well thank you. You're very kind. And thanks for the tip - I'm a bit of a self-help groupie so I'm glad to have something else to research.
@fiona - That sunglasses thing made me laugh. Thank you.
@Steph - You are right, I do. I really do. Which makes me exceedingly happy.
Oh, night feeds! Every time I try to do something about them I seem to make them worse.
ReplyDeleteThe extra loss of sleep is making me lose my temper, shout at people I like, mutter angrily at strangers, and scream at cars that do not stop at zebra crossings. Perhaps your interrupted sleep has something to do with your down-ness too?
I hate the only seeing ugly thing. But it WILL only be a matter of time before you catch sight of yourself and think 'damn I'm looking pretty hot today. nice one mwa'.
I think you are fabulous. Hope you are feeling better soon.x
Potty training Ruby has become my 'night feeds' worry! How to start, as opposed to stop and I know I need to do it, but when, how etc!? I just keep putting it off.
ReplyDeleteI think many of us go through the 'I look ugly all the time' stage after all has settled down in new babyville. I bet your man would tell you a thousand times over that you're lovely and you should believe him. And I'm sure funny you will be back soon, and in the meantime I'm still enjoying not quite so hilarious but very amusing you for now.
Everything is miserable and ugly when you haven't had enough sleep :( I know how you feel. But I am sure you ARE gorgeous, and I still think you're funny!
ReplyDeleteLet's meet up for a coffee soon, I am free of visitors and we can whinge at the world and our booby-boy babies together.
MWAH! x
@LK - You are right. And I think I may have just let myself go a bit. I think I need a haircut, some makeup and possibly a new top. Oh, and definitely boots.
ReplyDeleteI hope you sort the night feeds as well. After a while they do suck the soul.
@Victoria - Ah yes the potty. I say leave it until it's warm enough to send her out into the garden or the park in underpants or shorts. Much better than having a house full of pee.
@Rhi - Hurray! Yes we should. I shall email you. x
Go read your buddism book again! (I realise I am being a total pleb in not spelling that properly, but I am one glass of wine down and far too laissez faire to care that I look like an uneducated nitwit)
ReplyDeleteand maybe it's just a biorythem...just a natural low ebb. Go with the flow MWA, it's just a dip.
Mind you, saying this, my tidy me has taken over after stopping smoking 3 weeks ago and I can't sit still without tidying something, or wiping something, or stressing over a smudge on the glass windows by the stairs. Have. Got. To. Get. A. Life.
As for the self-hatred...well, I started off all bitter and twisted at the weekend over my ex (it was justified, he was skyping from Miami with his girlfriend - just a romantic getaway, how nice) and then of course that turned inward with a vengeance and I just don't seem to be able to get past hating everything about myself that obviously turned him off me - and why can't I move past all this exactly, because it's been over 2 years now and I am so Bored by this jealousy and bitterness but don't seem to be able to stop it from consuming me...
Oh dear. Bet that's not a whole heap of 'make you feel better' comment. Sorry ;-( x
crap time of year, makes you feel fat and grey and tired and guilty and and and....spring is on it's way, funny me will return with the crocus you'll see :0) and you won't be night feeding him when he goes to high school, let today be today and tomorrow will take care of itself in the baby rearing world.
ReplyDeleteIts the whole full time mum thing mixed up with winter and tiredness. If you could see the huge double chin I've grown in the last few weeks you'd realise just how gorgeous you are.
ReplyDeleteI had a terrible time giving up the night feeds. I think subconsciously I was worried this would be my last baby and I'd be saying goodbye to that part. Of course, once I started sleeping through the night again I didn't miss it at all. The ugly thing? Tiredness. You'll see your beautiful self again when you're well rested.
ReplyDeleteI always feel a bit frumpy etc during the colder months of the year. When I was a newish (nursing) mum I always felt a bit 'not so great', I couldn't wear the clothes I wanted to because I was feeding etc. So baby steps mwa, one day at a time and before you know it, it will be over. I say yes to the hair cut and make-up and a big yes to the boots.
ReplyDeletex Sandi
*cyberhug*
ReplyDeleteThis is just a wretched and damnable time of the year. Everything will be better in one month, for all of us. I am no expert on eliminating self loathing, but from the very few (far too few, in my opinion) pictures you have posted you are certainly neither fat or ugly. Give yourself some Buddhist love.
ReplyDeleteJanuary should be outlawed if you ask me - it brings out the worst in us all. Please accept this comment as a substitute for a life-affirming hug and a packet of your favourite biscuits. x
ReplyDeleteHaven't read all the other comments - but on the night feeds, it will happen. Honest. I tried with Cubling with the night bottle, even a bottle after the night bottle and she woke. I tried sleep training, and a week later she was teething or had a cold and we were at square one. I then gave up, rejoiced that 3 hourly wakings were fine, I could cope and was getting used to it and vowed to start sleep training once she had her set of teeth.
ReplyDeleteWhich we did at 17 months and she's went on to sleep beautifully ever since. Even rubbish sleepers will sleep eventually.
And you're beautiful. Your writing is so you must be.
Hope you feel better soon x
I think it is the guilt-trip imposed by society. Like, if you are going to leave your baby alone, it had better be to do something else for your family (cooking, cleaning, etc), not something for yourself (reading a book, taking a bath, etc.)
ReplyDeleteYes, it is definitely a January thing, new year's resolutions/etc wreak havoc with our minds!....you're fab MWA - whether funny or serious you are always real and tell it like you feel and that is always refreshing.
ReplyDeleteI too feel guilty blogging alongside LLC; she tries to take over the computer, I can't read or write and now usually don't go online with her. Re dropping the feeds, that will come when you/Charlie are ready. I realized that all that is more emotional than I originally thought.
Self-hatred. Hm. Yes. Why do we all do that? It's so silly isn't it? Everyone else loves us, but we can't love ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI'm really trying to love myself, because I want my kids to love themselves when they're adults, and of course that kind of thing is learnt very young (probably missed the boat already), and is largely picked up by modelling, not by intellectual processing. It won't work if I tell my kids they are fabulous and should love themselves, if they see me putting myself down and not valuing myself.
I am no psychologist, and have no idea if this is true, but it sounds so likely I think it must be.
Oh my dear Mwa. I have been so busy so I've not been keeping up with you. Now I get to go back and read many posts at once which is like presents on Christmas!
ReplyDeleteGo easy on yourself. I saw a "picture" of you with scarves and hats and I could tell you are beautiful.
If you really want to feed Charlie at night, feed him. If not, look into the book called "baby wise"--don't know the author. Worked like a charm for Finn...was sleeping through the night by 3 months. And he chowed down, big boy!!!
Feed him every 3 hours during the day and then before you go to bed...this will make him sleep through the night because he is getting enough food during the day. He will be a much happier baby and you will be a much happier mama! But if you enjoy your bonding time at night...then do that...but whatever you do, don't feel guilty.
As mothers we always have people telling us how and why we should feel guilty...we don't need create more reasons!