Principal: Can you come into the school for a "chat," please?(No reason given.)
Me: What is this about?(No way am I going into such a "chat" blindly. A mother has to prepared for such "chats.")
Pr: The First Communion.(Aha!)
Me: Well, is he going to be allowed to do it or not?(I am not going in for a "chat" if he's not.)
Pr: That's what I want to talk to you about.(OMFG woman tell me already.)
She basically wanted to know how "serious" he is about doing his communion, to be sure he's not doing it for the presents and the party. I had already promised him a "Spring Party" even if he didn't. It's quite the thing for non-religious parents in Belgium to give their non-communicant a party anyway. So that definitely wasn't a factor for him. He's getting a new bike either way.
I told her about Jack's reasons: he wants to be included in the mass, he wants to sing the songs, he wants to go to the lessons with his classmates. Also, at my brother's wedding, he was taken aback when the priest asked him if he'd already done his First Communion and then didn't give him the host because he hadn't. I really don't think you can ask for any better reasons from a six year old. What had she expected? Some kind of deep theological argument? I also assured him he was from a nice Catholic background. (Well, half of him is. I didn't mention the more suspect Protestant roots.)
Then she asked me why he wasn't doing it all along, to which I replied that I wasn't going to force him to do anything he didn't want to do. (Novel concept, apparently.) I prudently didn't add the bit about me losing my faith and raising my kids the atheist way. She then gave me a bit of a lecture on being serious and not changing his mind and how difficult it would be for the teachers to change the mass and their planning. But at least he's allowed. We'd passed the seriousness test, and I don't even have to come in for that dreaded "chat" any more.
When I told some other parents about this conversation, one said "Mine's only doing it for the presents" and another one "Mine's only doing it because I told him he had to." So much for serious reasons on the part of the child. If they want to get to them early and start indoctrinating them, they had better not ask too many questions about the intentions of the child beforehand. After all, they're only just starting to implant those intentions. They should just be happy with a blank canvas. (I didn't tell them I would be counteracting their brainwashing tactics with special critical thinking lessons at home.)
Jesus would be so proud.
(I must be off now - I have a mass christening to organise and a priest to convince of my good intentions, presumably in a similar manner to the one above. I hope he doesn't ask about Charlie's intentions getting christened. I also won't tell him I've promised Marie a Beyblade already if she allows the priest to christen her. Seriously.)
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Ohhhh, those other parents' reasons compared with your being castigated for thinking about it with integrity make me soooo mad!!! GAH! It's all about appearances. And presents! Catholicism. Bah!
ReplyDeleteSix. Years. Old.
ReplyDeleteyeah, I don't think any kid under the age of oh, say 10, does it because of some deep religious conviction. It's either because all their friends are, or their big sibling did, or their family is making them, or they have to in order to get accepted into the private school, etc.
ReplyDeletemy main reason for getting my daughter christened (at 7) was because it would sav eher the embarrassment of having to do it as an adult like I did. Being Christened isn't going to hurt, but if you decide to be religious later then not being Christened (or confirmed) is a pain in the proverbial. I didn't mention that to the the Priest! Just look pious and nod a lot! He's 6 FFS, 6! Somedays they don't want to get dressed let alone go to church..actually somedays I don't want to get dressed let alone go to church!
ReplyDeleteI know many adults who have made simialr decisions without deep religious convictions! Yikes. You did good; I dont know about Jesus, but I am proud. :)
ReplyDeleteAt my daughter's church, they are baptized when the person decides to be... many adults do it. But we gave up on the Catholic bit ages ago... my grandpa's mother told him he was going to hell because he married a divorced woman (my grandmother) outside of the church, so yeah... we're toast.
ReplyDeleteI knew someone whose ten year old went on a religion kick and wanted to have his birthday party at mass. His mother discouraged him, and he agreed that his friends might not be so into goign to mass for a party, they might feel awkward. She was quite alarmed by his little obsession, but I'm fairly sure it petered out (titter) before too much time had passed :)
ReplyDeleteWow, gasp, mmmmm, gosh, what more can I say.
ReplyDeleteDon't you love it when people in 'authority' tell you that you need to 'chat' we almost go to jelly.....and it was so simple to resolve over the phone. I guess they have to justify their position hehe.
x Sandi
@Jo - Bah indeed. And I'm a complete hypocrite of course for sending him to the nearest Catholic school instead of a slightly further away one which is not religious, so I did set this train in motion myself. Bah.
ReplyDelete@Ms. Moon - Yes.
@Megan - Exactly. Except for the few who have been indoctrinated early enough. (Like I was.) Ah well.
@Kelloggsville - I agree with all of the above. Except I won't be taking him to mass except for weddings, funerals, and the obligatory school ones. When I decided to do the hypocrite thing, I decided to do it well.
@Kori - Thank you. That means a lot. :)
@Steph - I had to get special dispensation from the bishop to marry my Protestant. And then the priest gave him a long lecture about the fact that Catholics are married forever, like even after they're dead, while protestants aren't, so if he ever wanted to get divorced then it would be in name only but he'd still really be married to me for all eternity. Bless.
@Jo - That's funny. Imagine what the friends would have said! I had several religion kicks in my youth. I was an altar girl, did all the extra classes etc. I think I only stopped when I was about 19. Craziness.
@sandiart - Yeah. I'm so glad I teased the whole thing out of her! I would not have enjoyed the awkwardness of that conversation.
Got to love that you're being held to a different standard to the rest
ReplyDeleteGuess its interesting to consider whether saying that you just wanted to tick the box in case there was a God would not have been the best answer...?
Love Muddling Along's comment!
ReplyDeleteI didn't even know that teachers could reprimand parents anymore? Where I live they'd probaby get a punch in the face - which is exactly why I work as a teacher in a prison and not in a school. So much safer!!!!
ReplyDeleteAh, Mwa, this explains a lot!
ReplyDeleteI specifically quit attending as a teenager when I realized that I would be an asshole if the only reason I continued to go to church and say the liturgy was because I had it memorized and could do it hungover. Choices!
ReplyDeleteI was about to be forced by my daughter to explain the Christmas hymns I still sing in a seasonal sort of way when the phone rang and I was literally saved by the bell. The man in the red suit pushed all further thoughts of Bethlehem out of her mind that day. I hope I'll be able to dodge that bullet again for Easter.
Good grief, what did she want you to do - get down on your knees and beg her? The boy is SIX!
ReplyDeleteWas she hoping for some really deep seated, well thought out reasons for why he wanted to do it? I can only think of a couple people who could come up with reasons like that. Stupid. He's SIX!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if she really believes the stuff that comes out of her mouth. Or the demands she places on others. Geez, if she's in charge of a grade school, she should know exactly how serious a six year old is.
ReplyDeleteGlad you got it sorted out and that he gets to participate...how crazy we Catholics can be. These are children for goodness sake!!!!
ReplyDeleteI just don't get this hype about communion. Maybe, because I have a different cultural background. Out here we just expose kids to all the stuff that religion and tradition entails and they make their choices when they are old enough to do so.
ReplyDelete