- I am their jailer:
I tell them where to go, what to do, what to eat, sometimes even when to go to the toilet. When they wilfully try to have things their way, I even put them in the corner. - I am evil:
I never pass up the chance to hurt them.
Charlie's not six months yet, and so far I've cut his left thumb twice, till it bled. (I'm not so good with nail clippers.) Earlier I left him lying on a step and of course he promptly fell off. I'm always letting doctors loose on him with needles, and when he's already suffering with a cold I squirt salt water up his nose. I pick off the remainders of his cradle cap while he's trying to sleep and pick his nose when he's only just woken up. When he's nursing, I'm often annoying him by picking earwax out of his ears with my nail.
Marie's terrible twos have now merged into thrashy threes, and some days she seems to spend more time in the corner than actually annoying me.
Last night, Jack came down from his bed to inform us that he was sad, and he pulled such a convincing sad face that I laughed until I couldn't breathe. Not nice, quite evil. - They still love me:
The only thing Charlie wanted after I wantonly bounced him down the stairs (okay, dropped him off one step, but still) was to be nursed. By me.
When I put Marie or Jack in the corner, afterwards they come to me for a hug and sympathy.
When I laughed at Jack, he laughed with me. Through his tears, but still.
Thursday, 10 February 2011
My children have Stockholm syndrome
My children have Stockholm syndrome. Even though I am basically their evil jailer, they love me. Here's the proof:
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There must be a third option.
ReplyDelete@Steph - Nah.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird, isn't it? That all kids are like this, not just yours, I hasten to clarify.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteThe thumb nail thing is fucking traumatic, though, isn't it?
@Iota - It IS weird. Every time I do something bad, I'm half convinced they will never forgive me for it. And they always do. And the lack of freedom - I hated being a child, and now mine seem to need their 'boundaries' rather badly.
ReplyDelete@Jo - It really is. I didn't even dare to mention that I did it with Jack as well, back when he was a baby. I set out "not to do it this time" and then I do.
Perhaps 'Stockhome Syndrome" is just our normal state of mind? Being a child, work, exercising, writing a novel, being married - life is a long chain of horrors we somehow convince ourselves to identify as 'fun'...
ReplyDeleteI managed to hit my newborn son on the head with an apple from quite a distance in the first month. Every since then he's gotten a odd joy from being hit on the head by things. Oh dear!
ReplyDeleteIt's so odd - you've totally hit the nail on the head. I was thinking about this just the other day. How when their dad shouts and makes them cry, they come to me for comfort - normal. But when I shout and make them cry, they still come to me for comfort - even when their dad is there and they think I am the epitomy of evil - that's not normal.
ReplyDelete@dadwhowrites - Ah, what a lovely cynical view.
ReplyDelete@workingberlinmum - Welcome! And ouch on the apple. I trapped my firstborn's finger in a zip when he was a couple of weeks old. I still remember the shame, and the guilt!
@fiona - It doesn't seem normal indeed. Maybe they understand better than we think that we're just muddling through, trying to do our best. And I suppose they feel the boundless love in between the idiotic bits. (Sorry, gone mushy there.)
What I don't get too, is why they don't seem to bear a grudge. They can be absolutely poisonous, and work me up into a boiling rage so that I scream at them and ten minutes later, they're all "hello mummy, I love you". Do they not get that I'M STILL CROSS????!
ReplyDeleteMaybe actually I should be more like them.
Actually have you thought that perhaps it's the other way round and they're the gaolers? I mean, they're evil to you (3 am feeds? Food fights? Nappies?) and you still love them.....
That was so funny!!!!! :) that's all
ReplyDeletex Sandi
So true. I sometimes wonder when they are going to snap out of it and see me for the grumpy, fun-stopping witch I really am.....
ReplyDeleteSo really what you're saying is that you're a normal (and very good) mother with normal kids? :)
ReplyDeletelol. oh my word yes.
ReplyDeleteI think it has something to do with them knowing that you love them more than anything on earth.
ReplyDeleteI think they actually like boundaries. The like to challenge them but they like that there are limits. Perhaps they'll be less forgiving in their adolescence.
ReplyDeleteI make my husband work the nail clippers. If he is going to hang around being not much more than a child, he will at least have to do the things that he has better skills for, like precision cutting. My sister once told me she was afraid of baby nail clippers so she just bit her first son's fingernails - then she said my daughter was so small (she was) that I'd better not try that or I might bite her finger off. I felt a real surge of parental confidence that day.
@planb - Cesar Millan says that's because they live in the moment. No, wait a minute, that was dogs.
ReplyDeleteYour last point is rather spot on. Damn. I have Stockholm syndrome, too.
@sandiart - x
@nappy valley girl - Me, too!
@Lady Mama - Yeah. It's the bit of being a loving mother I have some issues with.
@Darcy - :-)
@Ms. Moon - Probably. They sure know that.
@GingerB - Adolescence - just the concept scares me already.
I had decided Babes had to do all clipping as well, but if the nails are getting out of control and he hasn't done them... I do get scratched in the face rather a lot. (Accidentally, by the baby - not on purpose by the older ones. Just to be clear.)
I love that your sister said that. I feel better now too!
Yes - I sometimes think that when I'm shrieking at my daughter to get her homework done or telling her that it's not very neat...nag nag nag and then she gives me a big hug and says 'don't be grumpy it makes you look horrible' which is her way of saying
ReplyDeleteBitch, but I love you anyway (sob!)
So true and so funny!!
ReplyDeleteNo, it all has to do with bonding, and how we work socially and emotionally for survival as infants.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to get all serious, but children of seriously abusive/dysfunctional parents would often still rather be in their own home (with everything alright) than with stable or even happy foster families. We want to be loved, by our parents, we want everything to be alright. We need the reassurance from them, the authorities, the safety keepers, that we are good (because it's too dangerous a leap to believe otherwise). The problem with unhealthy punishment is then that the child starts to believe they must be the bad ones, and sees themself as such.
I suppose it's the metal monkey mother experiment in action too? The one where the bqaby goes to the furry, milkless frame for comfort, even if it starves, rather than the cold metal one with milk? (I hate science for not understanding that from the get go. So far removed from our own basic needs.)
My children hate me quite frequently, however, so either I haven't got them bonded to me unhealthily enough, or I'm just really bad at the whole thing.
Oh, you fancy foreigners with your fancy foreign syndromes! Maybe they just have that thing where they start to sympathize with their captors.
ReplyDeleteWith my teens, I mostly think they're stupid.
ReplyDeletehaha!!!
ReplyDeletei love this post.
i am a baby picker plucker saline sucker too.
hee - I loved the funny sad face - it made me laugh through my tea and almost spit it out.
ReplyDeleteHa! I too wonder when they start to bear a grudge. We should covet these days. I hate ear wax too!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha now you mention it I've never thought about it like that but you have a point...
ReplyDeleteBigger got cross with me the other day and I got so hysterical laughing at her cross face I had to lie down... not a good mother
So funny! My joke -- which I just made today (for the 5th million time) -- is that *I'm* the one who has Stockholm syndrome. They jail ME! They are EVIL! I love them anyway. More than I can bear.
ReplyDelete