I know you know the secret and you now know that I know you know the secret so tell me already

I'd been doing so well with the not-eating-crap and the not-drinking-sugar-bombs. Until this afternoon, when I relapsed spectacularly and had a tonic water followed by a whole lot of chocolate covered peanuts (the devil's droppings, my people - the devil's droppings). Then this evening I had a whole lot of white wine and crisps. I'm not counting the pizza I had for breakfast because a) it was last night's reheated and therefore I was being kind to the planet while also saving money and b) I only had a couple of slices.

(I never noticed how much "peanuts" sounds like "penis" until now - wow!)
(The wine may have something to do with the peanuts-penis thing. Not sure that will seem quite so amazing in the morning.) (I do love my brackets. (As you know.) (And especially so when I've had wine, apparently.))

Aaaanyways... I obviously need a better plan. Because

1. I want to be able to get into my summer dresses in a month's time.
   I'm not joining the other mums at Jack's school in their insanity: they are all buying new fancy clothes for the whole family, just to wear to their kid's communion. My children have great outfits they wore to my brother's wedding in February, as do I for that matter, and I doubt anyone will be mortally wounded by wearing the same outfit a second time.
2. I am so very fed up with my only fitting pair of jeans.
   I would also like to wear one of my T-shirts and not have it ride up on my hips or belly. That would be just wonderful. As a corollary to the last point (have I mentioned I'm a mathematician?) I would like to add that I am not buying a whole new wardrobe. I have perfectly good clothes just sitting waiting for me to arrive at the perfectly normal weight I was at pre-giant baby. I'm five kilos off. This is doable, and it's not like I'm anorexic or anything. I just want my body back.
3. My liver is kind of precious to me.

So, dearest dearest people I love and adore. Tell me: what do you do to stop the cravings? What do you do when you want to eat all the pies but really you shouldn't? The cup of tea trick is wearing thin.

Also: I would kill for the golden tip that tells me how to get rid of this tummy. I wouldn't believe my friends when they said baby number three would change my body more than the previous two, but they were right and I hate to admit it. I've never had a belly before. (Huge arse? Yes. Tree trunk thighs? Yes. Pot belly? No. Not until now, that is.) So please tell me you know the secret way to lose the stomach and then share it and I will come and lick your feet. Or I will come and not lick your feet. Whichever you would consider more of a reward.

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PS: Magic solutions only. Don't even think of suggesting will power or sit ups. That is not cool.