It's after midnight and this bloody white page is laughing at me. It's mocking my inability to write a measly little post every day, while it can't bloody be that hard because people do it all over the world every day. So WTF really, brain?
I could talk about Charlie's stomach infection and the fact that he has to take Zantac twice a day for a whole month. The geniuses in charge of baby medicine made this one mint flavour. The pediatrician warned me that it doesn't taste very nice, so to definitely give it to him before his meal and not after. You'd think someone could come up with a better plan than to make baby medicine mint flavour. He's being a star, though, keeping his head still and not even complaining. He just winces a little.
I could also talk about the holidays. So far we have had a trip to the sales, one to the zoo, and one to the supermarket. We've had a birthday party and a trip to the hospital (to see the pediatrician). Surely there's a good story in there somewhere? Well, someone did cut in front of us when we were at the till in the supermarket, and we managed to discuss this rude lady for about ten minutes after we left the shop. Also, there was a balloon.
I have decided that the cause of my writing drought is mindfulness. I used to spend every other post bitching about something, and now I'm just so fucking content it makes me sick. So, I've decided: from now on, no more mindfulness. Sure, I will bite the children's heads off by lunchtime tomorrow and by the evening my small intestine will be infected, but that's a small price to pay for a fully functioning blog. Also, hyperventilation is kinda cool. I hear all the hip kids are doing it these days.
I now have to go to sleep but I will backdate this post to about an hour ago so that I can pretend in the morning that I blogged yesterday. It's a confidence thing, so please forgive me what is strictly speaking a lie. (At least I'm owning up to it in typical neurotic fashion.)
Goodnight, people. Feel free to suggest some blog topics to me. I'm desperate.
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Small price to pay for a functioning blog, I agree! The bitching posts are my favorite! I think you should have more than enough crazy stories with caring for 3 kids. Also, mint flavor, there is almost nothing worse to kids than mint. You're lucky Charlie takes it, Finn will clamp his mouth shut if the medicine is any less than amazing. His favorite is grape.
ReplyDeleteI get suck on the title to my blog posts, so I'm no help. I love your 'bitching' posts too, they always make me laugh, oh shite, I just swallowed and breathed at the same time then, massive coughing up of spit!! Sorry.
ReplyDeletex Sandi
Have this problem - heaps of half started posts that never get finished
ReplyDeleteHave you tried looking at the Daily Mail website - usually good for generating something to write about
Balloons?
ReplyDeleteI think I could have coped with Mint - its bloody banana flavour that gets vetoed in our house. Doctor couldn't understand why daughter didn't like banana (because all kids do!)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure at the moment that some of my blogposts are just for the sake of it - bloody bloggers block!
You wait until I'm on holiday and want to kill the kids - then you'll get it!!
BNM
I somehow misread Zantac for Xanax.
ReplyDeleteYou are totally onto something there - I used to be such a dysfunctional expat, which game me plenty of ammunition for bitter humor and sarcastic posts. Now I am so fucking well adjusted I sometimes disgust myself, especially because it has all but drained the sarcasm pool.
ReplyDeletebest of luck, may something to bitch about come both our ways soon.
Why do you want to write a post every day? Like anger, I always think it's better to keep it inside until you're ready to explode into a raging ball of sarcasm & bitching.
ReplyDeleteMay you feel less content soon xx