Thursday, 25 February 2016

The signs are clear

I know I have to go outside for a run and then write a few pages. I know it. You know why I know it? Because this is how I got ready before my shower:



And I know it even more because it disturbs me that I put the bra first and not the underpants. Because it's a pretty sequence, and the bra is less angular so it aesthetically belongs on the left, but surely pants go on first. And then the bra. And trousers go before socks. No, it's a mess. Another reason why I know I should go outside is the fact that I didn't select a belt or a jumper before my shower, and so I'm now sitting here with my trousers sagging and slightly colder than I'd like to be. But these were the clothes I selected and I am not some messy minger who changes her mind as she pleases so I may have to stay cold and builder-cracked. It's all about sticking with the plan.

Another way I can tell I need that run:



I know I need a run when all my tissues cry out to me to be covered in crochet. I'm not even showing you the two baskets, the other bedsock (one only - I ran out of wool) or the flying testicle (it's a long story - it was meant to be an angel-like cuddle but went disastrously wrong).

All I want to do is stay in and knit a dress for Marie. And laundry - ironing even. I'm dithering constantly between kicking myself up the bum for my lack of action and being kind to myself for needing a break, some silence. Various constellations of children have been home with flu, we've spent hours waiting in the doctor's surgery, I had to battle them to take their medicine. To top it off the school had a staff training day yesterday, just when they were all better.

Ironically, I'm meant to be reading a book I got from my delightful sister An, may her diarrhoea be a mere blip on an otherwise exemplary life. In English, it's called The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion - Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions. I have the Dutch translation sitting next to me. And I cannot bring myself to read it. I don't know why. I have a huge mental block against it. I've flipped through it several times. Yesterday, I sat down with a cup of tea and an hour to spare and I could not take in what I was reading. All of a sudden, I urgently needed to cover another pack of tissues and watch random TV.

Right. I have dirty washing that won't sort itself into colour piles and pillow cases that need to be ironed and cups of tea that need to be drunk and (as a break) a dress that needs to be knitted. Tomorrow I will surely run and write.

10 comments:

  1. Oh dear Mwa! You are having...issues? Covering tissues? Knitting dresses?
    My god, woman!
    But I hear you. I am loving you.

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  2. You made one dog very happy with the flying testicle. They are best friends now. X

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    Replies
    1. I thought they would be!

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    2. Ha! I wish we could have seen it, though.

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  3. I want a picture of that flying testicle :)
    Usually, when I can't get myself to sit down and meditate, I know that something has been brewing inside me that's waiting to pop up and scream at me. A necessary process to let it go. Just saying... xx

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  4. Well, it sounds like you're staying busy, even if it's not doing what you think you SHOULD be doing! I admire anyone with the fortitude to crochet covers for tissue boxes! The flying testicle sounds...interesting.

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  5. I think I need to lie down after reading that!

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  6. Does Belgium have homeless people? They need hats. Just saying.

    So, the book... do you think you want to hold on to your negative self talk and blaming? Most of us do, methinks. Makes it hard to read :)

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  7. Running is so important to me. And I haven't run in weeks.

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  8. Sometimes when the hands are busy the mind can rest. I hope those crochet covers allow you that.

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