Friday, 1 April 2016

Books are daily changing my life in manifold ways

I'm having some trouble getting my thoughts written down. Getting my thoughts out. Having thoughts in the first place. I will try to give it a go.

Today, my head was slightly clearer. It started at five-ish when I couldn't sleep any longer. I lingered a while, but then I had to get up to pee, and by then it was nearly half past six and I knew the alarm would go off at seven thirty so there wasn't much point sleeping again. I read a little in The Noonday Demon and it gave me some insights that I needed. Well, they were probably more like reminders, but still. I'm only halfway through the book and I'm not sure I would recommend it, because so far it has read much like an advert for the pharmaceutical industry and its antidepressants. On the other hand, I'm sure the author is sincere when he talks about how his pills have saved him. In any case, the chapter I was reading this morning talked about the connection between depression and poverty, and about how poor people are often poor because they are depressed and depressed because they are poor, and they cannot motivate themselves or pluck up the oomph to change their circumstances. Which made me see that lately, I've been lacking the oomph and I think it might have to do with the fact that I'm still not gainfully employed and therefore have nothing to stop me losing my oomph or slacking on the sofa all day, or pretending that knitting a tiny doll's blanket constitutes a valid day's work for a full grown woman.

I got up with Babes after the alarm went up and sat in my bathrobe having a cup of decaf tea and some cracottes with gouda, bemoaning my lack of action and oomph, until I could see myself through his eyes and how pathetic I was. Then I decided on action. Before action, though, I made the children unload and load the dishwasher (their job, not my opportunity for action - ha!). Meanwhile, I read on in a book I started yesterday: Born to Run. Now there's one I would wholeheartedly recommend to all of you. It's full of thirst for life, full of laughs, full of the will to go. It's made me want to become a vegan barefoot trailrunner. (My shin hurts just imagining it.) I took the children to the park for a picnic and stuck them in the big adventure playpark so I could keep reading. Finished the book tonight. I've already been out for a sneaky barefoot ten metres out on the pavement outside the door. Another thing it's made me want to do, is finally to start checking out potential new houses for us to move to. We should not be living in a terraced house in a concrete street any more. Reading about trail runs and adventures in the hills of Mexico made me feel deep in my bones, now more than ever, that I need to see trees when I look out of the window, and not walls. I'm also considering volunteering in the Oxfam shop around the corner. Some volunteer work should get me moving outside this head of mine sometimes, which would most likely be healthy.

I'm looking forward to the book I will read after The Noonday Demon: Reasons to Stay Alive. I have a feeling I will need it.

6 comments:

  1. I often wonder how in the world I could live if I didn't have all of this green and life around me. Without these trees and the birds and the squirrels and my chickens and my beloved bushes I've planted- I don't think I could do it. Well, if I had sea and sky, I think I could manage. I am so grateful I can live where I live.
    I hope you like the Matt Haig book. I surely did. I will read it again. Interestingly, he did and does not take pills. But he has no argument whatsoever against them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have nothing against pills either. At all. I didn't mean to give the impression that I am.

      Delete
  2. My mother was an avid consumer of higher end self help books. Or food info, etc. People sniggered at her for her 'fads', but the truth was that she took the aspects she found useful, incorporated them into her life, and moved forward.

    I love the idea of a move - perhaps to somewhere with a nicer school!

    I didn't have a bad experience with pills, really, but I am also hearing things about the industry, and feeling open-mouthed at the level of risk involved in their 'risk versus benefit' equations. People's lives are saved, maybe, but also ended or destroyed by pharmaceuticals all the time. I'd love to trust 'em, but I don't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I see what you mean about the school. I'm desperate to keep them there, funnily enough. I want more than anything for the children to have something resembling roots. And the downside of 'better' schools is that they are smaller and more elitist. Here, they see all of society. It's a pros and cons game. :-)

      Delete
  3. The poverty and depression link is an interesting idea. So many things are interrelated in ways we commonly don't perceive, you know? I think it's a great idea to volunteer at Oxfam (plus you get first dibs on donated goodies, I'm guessing, which Marie Kondo would from upon, but what the hell). From my far remove, getting more active sounds like a great idea. I know when I was between jobs after Dave and I moved to England I found it helped me a lot to be productive, in one way or another, every day. (And the bar was not high! A doll's blanket would more than qualify. :) )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No donated goods here. Such a pity. It's a shop which only sells fairtrade stuff. Lovely things, though. Wooden jewelry and chocolate and wine.
      I love the sound of your job.

      Delete

Leave a comment, make my day!